Beastie Boys, iTunes, Jane's Addiction, Zane Lowe, Glastonbury, The New York Dolls and Bros...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about how much money Apple made last week via their iTunes program, the break-up (again) of one of America’s biggest groups, Zane Lowe’s kewl list, Michael Eavis' secret weapon to prevent the Glastonbury festival being a washout, details of a New York Dolls tribute album and the return of Bros. But first up it is the Beastie Boys who are riding high in the charts...

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Ch-ch-check Out The Chart...

After an absence of six years the Beastie Boys have returned to the top of the charts in America. The New York trio’s latest album ‘To the 5 Boroughs’ sold 360,000 copies in the United States, according to Nielsen SoundScan, which sent it to the top of The Billboard 200.

The follow up to 1998's ‘Hello Nasty’ has received widespread critical acclaim but the CD has caused some controversy after some net-nerd computer geek or other claimed that the disc installed Spyware onto their computer. The allegation was denied of course.

The band’s label, EMI, said: "While the Beastie Boys CD does use copy control in some territories, there is no copy control on the Beastie Boys discs in the US or the UK.

"This technology does NOT install spyware or vaporware of any kind on a users PC. Nothing is permanently installed on a hard drive. These details can be verified in the 'install.log' file in the computer's root directory."

It is also reported that the rappers are working on a B-side album and a book which could be out at the end of the year.

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iTunes A Success In Europe...

In the last week more than 800,000 songs have been downloaded through the new European version of Apple’s iTunes music store. The service was launched last week in the UK, France and Germany after taking the USA by storm.

The majority of the tracks sold went to UK residents with 450,000 downloads ending up on these shores. With songs costing 79p in the UK (99 cents in France and Germany) Apple have already coined in well over £600,000 so far.

Apple’s CEO, Steve Jobs, said: "After selling over 800,000 songs during its first week, iTunes is Europe's top online music store.

"In the UK alone, iTunes sold more than 450,000 songs in the last week—16 times as many as its closest competitor."

The Pixies were one of the top selling artists after releasing their new song 'Bam Thwok' exclusively through the online store last week.

"By distributing our first new song in 13 years exclusively on iTunes, we were able to quickly and inexpensively make it available to millions of fans in the United States and Europe," said band manager Ken Goes.

"One week after its release, we are thrilled at the response from iTunes users that have helped to make 'Bam Thwok' a top seller across four countries."

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Back…Disbanded…Back…Disbanded...

It seems that after a successful comeback it looks like Jane’s Addiction are set to implode again. The Los Angeles quartet first burst onto the music scene in the late 80’s and recorded two classic albums before disbanding.

Then they got back together again. Then they disbanded. Then they got back together again. Then they disbanded (repeat to fade).

2003 saw their triumphant return with the release of ‘Strays’. The band toured and looked to have the world at their feet again. Singer Perry Farrell even managed to resurrect the travelling rock festival Lollapalooza (dreamt up as a farewell tour for Jane’s Addiction in 1991 fact fans) and things were looking good.

Or so we though. A statement on guitarist Dave Navarro’s website from the band (but not Farrell curiously) indicates that they have split...again.

The statement reads: "We know we can't avoid this anymore so we will give it our best shot. What's the deal? The deal is that it simply didn't work out. Sometimes things just don't work out.

"In all honesty, we have broken up and rejoined roughly four times over the years. Perhaps that should shed some light as to where we are now. We really don't know. We do know that we really gave it everything we had this time and we actually made a really great record after so many years of silence.

"That was definitely a great thing and we are all proud of it. We were able to do a lot of shows and travel and see the world again. We had some amazing times. Why didn't it work out? So many reasons. Some of them over 15 years old, some of them new and none of them worth mentioning.

"Maybe we are just a volatile combination. Maybe that is why we were so great. The bottom line is that we are all extremely creative and motivated people and I know we will all continue to create and work on many different projects.

"After 20 years, just like in any relationship, you have your highs and lows and some amazing memories that can never be replaced. We were able to create great music together, and for that...we feel blessed.

"But sometimes relationships don't work, no matter how much time or energy you put into them...and at that point...you realise it is healthier to go your separate ways than to keep trying to recreate the magic of the early years.

"Sometimes people grow apart in the relationship, it is nobody's fault really...just a fact of life...an inevitable creative dissolution. Sometimes the best creative relationships are the most combustible and they aren't meant to last forever.

"We know this doesn't answer all of your questions, but hopefully it answers some of them. We would personally like to say, ‘thank you’ for all of the love and support you have shown us over the years, we greatly appreciate it and we love you."

So there you have it, see you in three years lads.

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Guns Don’t Kill People...

It is ‘kewl list’ time again boys and girls. These are the tracks that Zane Lowe will be broadcasting on his Radio 1 show this week. You can check the cheeky chappie between 8 and 10pm on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Max Sedgely - 'Happy'
The Bees - 'Horsemen'
Futureheads - 'Decent Days & Nights'
Taz - 'Can't Contain Me'
The Hives - 'Walk Idiot Walk'
Bloc Party - 'Little Thoughts'
M.I.A - 'Sunshowers (live version)'
Badly Drawn Boy - 'Year Of The Rat (live version)'
Ed Rush & Optical - 'Kerbcrawler (Baron remix)'
The Libertines - 'Up The Bracket'
Kasabian - 'LSF'
James Brown - 'The Payback'
Yer Man - 'Good Grief'
John Frusciante - 'The Will To Death'
Goldie Lookin' Chain - 'Guns Don't Kill People'
Hope Of The States - 'Nehemiah'
Prodigy - 'Girls'
Next Nine Years - 'You Live I Learn'
Nas - 'Thief's Theme'
Oasis - 'Cast No Shadow'
Secret Machines - 'Light's On'
Lady Sovereign - 'Ch Ching'

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Anti-Sutherland...

You seen the video for Kate Bush’s ‘Cloudbusting? You know, the one where Donald Sutherland is a mad professor who invents a machine that can make rain and Bush fires it at the sky to make it piss down as they haul her Dad away? No? Typical.

Anyway, Glastonbury organiser Michael Eavis is setting himself up as some sort of anti-Sutherland (from that video I mean, not in a spiritual, political or sociological way you understand – ahem). The mad farmer is set to use a ray gun on passing clouds to prevent rain. Seriously.

The homemade gun was designed by Austrian psychologist Wilhelm Reich and has been used at the festival before. Eavis ‘fired’ the device back in 1971 although it is unknown (read: I can’t be arsed finding out) whether is successfully prevented a downpour or not.

Reich did some mental investigation and he claims to have found "an unknown energy which exists in all living matter and in the cosmos". The lunatic called this energy ‘orgone’ and he claims it turns clouds into rain. Erm yeah, don’t call us, we’ll call you mate.

Eavis said: "I had a phone call from Sir Paul's people saying: ‘What are you doing to prevent rain?’

"This looks like an anti-aircraft gun and you point it at the clouds. It's all done through the orgone energy thing Reich believed in."

Utter, utter shit – funny though.

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Tribute To Pioneers...

One of the most influential bands of the 70’s are to be remembered with a tribute album. The New York Dolls appeared in 1971 and their unique style of Rock & Roll was credited with providing the punk template that the likes of the Sex Pistols used and exploited.

Now FastLane Records/CD Smash Records have just about finished a tribute album called 'Jetboys Of Babylon'. The long player is due to be released this summer and the guys at the record company are excited about what they have managed to compile.

"The audio tracks have turned out unbelievable and really give a modern feel to the old classics, we feel this tribute captures the vibe, swagger and energy of the Dolls.

Avid New York Dolls fan will be impressed by these classics made new again. We're hoping these new versions will help turn a new generation of music fans into New York Dolls fans.

We were fortunate to obtain David Johansen to re-record his classic "Babylon" with Frankenstein 3000, before he took off to England for the first ever, New York Dolls reunion in 25 years.

Other great bands on the tribute include: Flipp w/ Steve Jones, Dogs D'Amour, The Alarm, Blackbird, Slow Motorcade, Killingbird, R50, CrashMatic, just to name a few."

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We Owe You nothing...

After appearing on reality TV programme ‘Hells Kitchen’ Matt Goss is suddenly fashionable again. This has inevitably lead to talk of a Bros reunion and I’m afraid to say that the fucker hasn’t ruled it out completely!

The good news is that if that lot get back together there is a good chance that it will only be for a one-off gig as opposed to a full comeback – phew. Apparently some fool has offered them a million-pound deal to perform together one more time.

Goss said: "I know for a fact we'll never reform, that will never happen, never in a million years. I know that I'm not for that, Luke's not up for it and I know Craig isn't.

"We've been made an offer that really is too good to turn down. If that's a reunion then we'll do it but it won't be a permanent thing."

The show is expected to take place in London's Hyde Park later in the summer which means I probably won’t be able to go. Well there is my summer ruined...

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Lollapalooza, greatest British album, Britney Spears, Rough Trade compilation, Interpol, Radio 4, David Bowie and Noel Gallagher...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about what 100 musicians and critics think is the greatest British album of all time, Britney Spears marrage plans, news of a cool compilation, details of new albums from both Interpol and Radio 4, why David Bowie had to halt a show in Scandinavia and how one short-sighted fan managed to rile Noel Gallagher. But first up news that one of the biggest festivals in the world has been binned.

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Festival Cancelled...

Poor ticket sales have meant that one of the world’s biggest music gatherings has been cancelled. This summers Lollapalooza tour has been canned after organisers predicted that hey stand to lose a considerable amount of money.

The travelling festival was set to kick off in just three weeks but on Monday evening it was announced that the 16-city tour was off. With the exception of the New York area, advance ticket sales were below what was originally estimated by promoters and organisers.

A statement from Lollapalooza co-founder Perry Farrell read: "My heart is broken.

"My heart aches along with the bands and all of our employees, whose hard work developed one of the most exciting and important tours that this nation was to see."

Marc Geiger of the William Morris Agency and another Lollapalooza co-founder said: "On the average, the losses, had ticket sales not dramatically picked up — which they showed no indication of doing — the people involved faced losses in the mid-to-high six figures on a per-show basis.

"Lollapalooza is not alone in this. Everyone from the Dead to Dave Matthews to Norah Jones is suffering. There's not one explanation for this. It might be that ticket prices are too high, which doesn't account for Lollapalooza, because our tickets were priced between $15 and $25.

"Maybe it's the sundry add-ons [like service charges] that up the cost? Maybe gas prices are too high? Just like the record industry is suffering, the concert business is not exempt.

"After people get through this summer season there's going to be a lot of fixing that needs to be done in the concert industry."

Fans who bought tickets to see the likes of Morrissey, Sonic Youth, PJ Harvey and the Flaming Lips on the 31-date event will receive a full refund.

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Fools Take Gold...

Another day another poll. The Observer Music Monthly supplement ran a feature over the weekend where they polled 100 musicians and critics to ask them to list their top 100 British albums of all time. All the usual suspects were included but there a bit of a shock at number one.

It turns out that those in the know thought that the Stone Roses’ self-titled debut album was the Best of British, beating The Beatles ‘Revolver’ to the top spot.

Observer Music Monthly’s hilariously named editor Caspar Llewellyn Smith said: "This is the sort of poll you might conduct over Sunday lunch with friends; which are the greatest British albums of all time.

"Once you start to draw up your own list, the questions begin: should I pick my favourites, or albums which conform to an idea of greatness."

This top 10 looks like this:

10 Metal Box – PiL
9 Blue Lines - Massive Attack
8 Exile on Main Street - The Rolling Stones
7 Sticky Fingers - The Rolling Stones
6 The White Album - The Beatles
5 Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
4 Astral Weeks - Van Morrison
3 London Calling - The Clash
2 Revolver - The Beatles
1 The Stone Roses - The Stones Roses

Other noticeable absentees from the top 10 include Radiohead's ‘OK Computer’ (24), Oasis' ‘Definitely Maybe’ (19), The Smiths' ‘The Queen is Dead’ (37) and Primal Scream's ‘Screamadelica’ (68).

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Get Married...One More Time!

Audio Truckstop favourite, Britney Spears, is going to break a million hearts (again) when she gets married later this year (again again). The 22-year-old spank-bank all-star is all set to cartwheel down the aisle with boyfriend Kevin Federline.

Spears will no doubt be hoping that this marriage lasts longer than the 55 hours the last one did. She got hitched in Las Vegas (the romance capitol of the world incidentally) 6 months ago to friend Jason Alexander but got it annulled a couple of days later claiming it was all a "bad joke".

We are unsure as to whether Britney gave Alexander her ring at the ceremony or waited until they got back to their hotel room... Ahem.

The singer is currently in bed healing after having surgery on her knee. She injured herself while filming the video to her next single ‘Outrageous’ and is convalescing with her 26-year-old beau as we speak (I wonder if he is keeping a close eye on her under-nork stitches? – Ed).

The pair have been an ‘item’ for a while now, being snapped snogging on a Californian beach and recently hit the tabloid front pages when they were caught going for a bollocko midnight dip in the pool at London hotel they were staying at.

All in all this Federline character sounds a nice lad...just ask the girlfriend he dumped to run off with Britney...the 8 month pregnant girlfriend...the girlfriend who is already the mother of one of his children. Ooops!

Actress Shar Jackson is resigned to losing her man but isn’t going to make it easy for the pair. She wasted no time in reminding the pop princess that her husband to be has baggage: "There are two kids. She better be prepared to baby-sit."

Meanwhile our Brit is currently sitting atop the singles chart after ‘Everytime’ became her second number one in Britain taken from the album ‘In the Zone’, her fifth number one in the UK.

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Rough Album...

There is a new compilation coming out in a couple of months which could well be worth a look. Rough Trade records are releasing 'Rough Trade Shops: Indiepop 1' on the 23rd August featuring all your favourite Indie bands from days gone by.

Classic bands like Primal Scream, The Wedding Present, Lush, Jesus And Mary Chain, My Bloody Valentine and Pop Will Eat Itself all appear on the 46 track CD as well as more contemporary label mates like V Twin and Camera Obscura.

A 7" single which will feature four tracks from Juniper Moon, Aberfeldy, Primal Scream and Josef K will hit the shops before the album is available to give you all a taster of what to expect.

The track listing looks something like this:

CD One
1. Primal Scream - 'All Fall Down'
2. Modesty Blaise - 'Carol Mountain'
3. Popguns - 'Waiting For The Winter'
4. The Clouds - 'Get Out Of My Dream'
5. Sea Urchins - 'Pristine Christine'
6. Jesus And Mary Chain - 'You Trip Me Up'
7. Mary Lou Lord - 'Some Jingle Jangle Morning (When I'm Straight)'
8. The Monochrome Set - 'The Monochrome Set'
9. Felt - 'Penelope Tree'
10. Juniper Moon - 'El Resto De Mi Vida'
11. Shop Assistants - 'Safety Net'
12. V Twin - 'Gifted'
13. Jesse Garon & The Desperadoes - 'Splashing Along'
14. Television Personalities - 'Look Back In Anger'
15. Dressy Bessy - 'You Stand Here'
16. The Wedding Present - 'Once More'
17. Helen Love - 'Beat Him Up'
18. Pop Will Eat Itself - 'Black Country Chainstore Massacreee'
19. I, Ludicrous - 'Preposterous Tales'
20. Heavenly - 'Sort Of Mine'
21. Beat Happening - 'Indian Summer'
22. The Groove Farm - 'The Best Part Of Being With You'
23. Field Mice - 'Landmark'

CD Two
1. My Bloody Valentine - 'Paint A Rainbow'
2. Love Is All - 'Spinning and Scratching'
3. Josef K - 'Sorry For Laughing'
4. Talulah Gosh - 'Talulah Gosh'
5. Aberfeldy - 'Vegetarian Restaurant'
6. The Pooh Sticks - 'I Know Someone Who Knows Someone Who Knows Alan McGee Quite Well'
7. This Poison! - 'Poised Over The Pause Button'
8. The Magnetic Fields - '100,000 Fireflies'
9. The Vaselines - 'Molly's Lips'
10. AR Kane - 'When You're Sad'
11. Darling Buds - 'Uptight'
12. Pastels - 'Truck Train Tractor'
13. Camera Obscura - 'Eighties Fan'
14. McCarthy - 'Should The Bible Be Banned'
15. Lush - 'Hypocrite'
16. June Brides - 'Every Conversation'
17. The Velvet Crush - 'Walking Out On Love'
18. The Flatmates - 'I Could Be In Heaven'
19. Marine Girls - 'Honey'
20. Bis - 'Icky Pooh Air Raid'
21. Razorcuts - 'Sorry To Embarrass You'
22. Eggs - 'Government Administrator'
23. Spearmint - 'Sweeping The Nation'

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Yes New York...

Two of New York’s brightest young things are set to release new albums in September. Both Interpol and Radio 4 are ready to share their new material with the world after breaking through a couple of years ago with two quality albums.

Interpol’s ‘Turn Out The Bright Lights’ and Radio 4’s ‘Gotham!’ were hailed as modern classics when they were released and the two bands will now be hoping that their follow ups will achieve the same lever of critical acclaim.

The exquisitely dressed quartet of Interpol have revealed that their new album is to be called ‘Antics’ and will be available in all good stores (and a lot of crap ones) on 27th September. The tracklisting looks something like this:

‘Next Exit’
‘Evil’
‘Narc’
‘Take You On A Cruise’
‘Slow Hands’
‘Not Even Jail’
‘Public Pervert’
‘C'mere’
‘Length Of Love’
‘A Time To Be So Small’

Radio 4 meanwhile will release ‘Stealing Of A Nation’ on September 7th with the first single ‘Party Crashers’ going on sale on July 12th. You can catch the lads around Britain this summer at the following venues:

June 21 Academy – Birmingham
June 22 93 Feet East (with Kaito) – London
August 17 Islington Academy - London
August 24 Rescue Rooms – Nottingham
August 25 The Welly – Hull
August 26 T In The Fringe Festival @ The Venue – Glasgow
August 27 Leeds Festival
August 29 Reading Festival

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Aye Eye!!!

David Bowie was temporarily blinded at a recent gig in Oslo when one of the audience lashed a lollipop at him! The ‘Chuppa Chup’ came hurtling from the crowd and managed to hit him in his brown eye (not that brown eye you filthy minded delinquent!).

20 minutes into the performance last Saturday one of his excited followers obviously decided that the singer wasn’t sweet enough and threw him the sickly sweet confectionary. Unfortunately for the 73-year-old singer/songwriter/actor the lollipop seemed laser-guided as it hit it’s target with pinpoint accuracy.

Luckily the veteran rocker took it well, as one fan confirmed: "He [Bowie] grabbed a mike and called the person responsible a coward and bastard for hiding in the crowd. Everyone booed as the concert was stopped."

Quick to smooth over the incident Bowie’s official website had a different story altogether.

"I'm sure there was no malice intended, but yesterday's incident could have been far more serious than it was.

"However, in typical Bowie fashion, and despite his understandable initial anger, David made light of the incident when he threw a plectrum into the crowd and then said he would have to go and hide in the band as he thought he may have got somebody in the eye."

What a card...

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Return Of Clint Eastwood?

I love reading about rock stars spitting the dummy. I love hearing about them losing their cool revealing the real person behind the carefully constructed, well-choreographed façade. I love it when it turns out to be funny too...

It was reported that one half of the ‘eyebrow brothers’, Noel Gallagher, of Oasis was left speechless and fuming after a ‘fan’ somehow managed to mistake the Mancunian for his arch nemesis Damon Albarn.

The pair have been seemingly at each others throat since the heady days of 1995 when Brit-pop was in full swing and Oasis & Blur where the kings of the chart. Both bands released their albums and singles within days of each other and the press had a feeding frenzy as both camps did their best to bad mouth the other.

A few years ago Albarn got involved with a dance influenced side project which eventually turned into Gorillaz. This band was to be the cause of the confusion for one clueless fan.

Gallagher said: "This bloke said, 'I'm a massive fan. When's the next album out?' So I said, 'Some time next year.'

"He asked, 'Will it be with the band or with Gorillaz?'"

The guitarist was not amused by this apparently and stormed off. I don’t know what his problem is to be fair as Gorillaz weren’t half bad!

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The Tyde – Twice. This week’s album review – by Roo...

Got some cash burning a hole in your pocket and an urge to buy a new album? You could do a lot worse than picking up this relatively unknown long player.

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The Tyde – Twice

The inlay for this album suggests to me that is one best enjoyed on a hot day, the cartoon-like cover art depicting a surfer dude carrying his board along the beach gazing out at the ocean on a sunny day. Inside there are drawings of seagulls flying across a full sun and a couple holding on to each other as they skate down a hill. Awww...

We’ll ignore the fact that there isn’t anything useful inside the folded cover like song lyrics and just focus on the sunny day feel you get before even playing CD which, like the inlays, is covered in cartoon art – this time of a guy catching some waves.

I stumbled across this album a couple of months ago after seeing it recommended on another blog. The author described it as sounding a bit like Lloyd Cole which convinced me there and then that it could be worth a listen. They were dead right, it does sound a little like Cole and it is definitely one to check out.

‘Twice’ is littered with happy sounding (although not always lyrically upbeat) pop songs that are the perfect accompaniment to a drive along the coast on a sweltering August day. Windows down, shades on, music making you tap your hand on the roof as you cruise down the road...bliss (maybe the cover art is getting to me).

The first three tracks on the album set the scene with the gentle guitar strumming and almost childlike keyboards of ‘A Loner’ acting as some sort of aural masseuse helping you relax as your head starts to nod in time with the beat. I can almost hear the waves crashing onto the beach.

‘Henry VIII’ arrives soon after and is immediately more up-tempo with singer Darren Rademaker’s voice being electronically altered slightly to give it that Strokes feel as he sings his way through the sarcastic sounding 2 and a half minute gem.

Things are going well as arguably the best song on the album arrives. ‘Go Tell Yer Dad’ was described somewhere as being "perfect country pop" but don’t let that put you off. It sounds a bit like Granddaddy to me but don’t let that put you off either! A jangley tale of lost love (from what I can tell – damn their lack of lyrics in the insert!) that sounds better when played LOUD!

But just as you get comfortable Rademaker slips into Cole-mode to deliver the morbid sounding ‘Best Intentions’. Not ideal for that trip up the coast but a decent song none the less.

BOOM! ‘Crystal Canyons’ explodes out of the speakers as the Los Angeles quartet get back to rocking out. Two minutes of cali-rock ensure that your road trip is most definitely heading back in the right direction again.

More distorted vocals follow on the bluesy ‘Takes A Lot Of Trying’, which somehow doesn’t really fit in with the ‘vibe’ of the rest of the album. All Hammond organs and effect pedalled guitar solos if you will. Taken on it’s own it isn’t a bad song but when you listen to the 11 songs as a whole it kinda feels like it was added at the last minute as some sort of filler.

‘Memorable Moments’ gets ‘Twice’ back on track with the return of the Granddaddy sound. As the song goes on Rademaker sounds more and more like Gary Daley from China Crisis to me which I don’t think is a bad thing at all to be honest.

A tale of rock & roll camaraderie is depicted next in ‘Blood Brothers’. The last third of this song could, in my opinion, be a previously undiscovered Strokes song – seriously. If you have a passing interest in New York’s favourite sons (well, for the last couple of years anyway) then you could do a lot worse than trying to get your hands on this track.

‘Shortboard City’ sounds like T-Rex doing a some sort of cross between Chuck Berry’s ‘You Never Can Tell’ and ‘Back In The USSR’ by The Beatles. I defy anyone to listen to it and tell me any different! Get that hang a-taping driver...

Things slow right down again as ‘Breaking Up The Band’ leaks through the speakers. This is a simple Dylan-esque lament about loss which sounds like the singer is going to burst into tears at any moment.

The CD ends on a high note as ‘New D’ mixes the best bits of the rest of the album together and comes up with a 5 minute epic. The familiar vocal tone is there mixed with quiet verses and exploding choruses. All the time a fuzzy keyboard sound is layered in giving the track an industrial feel. A great way to end a very good album.

Summary: The album isn’t a new release, it was put out in 2003 but since it was stumbled across it has been a permanent feature in my multi-changer. A couple of low points prevent it from getting a perfect score from me but if you fancy something for that summer drive you could do a lot worse than ‘Twice’.

4 out of 5

Standout tracks:

Go Tell Yer Dad
New D
Blood Brothers
Henry VIII

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Franz Ferdinand, The Doors Of The 21st Century, Badly Drawn Boy, Minnie Driver and Britney Spears...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about this weeks revolution in music, Badly Drawn Boy’s uber-secret pub gigs, actress Minnie Driver’s new record contract and Britney Spears’ shirt potato enhancing surgery. But first up it is good news for Franz Ferdinand...

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Landmark For Franz...

All the hard work put in by the skinny art school hard knocks from Franz Ferdinand has finally paid off as they reveal they have sold their 1 millionth album worldwide. The Glaswegians have been touring and promoting their self titled debut long player since late last year.

Their big break came when ‘Take Me Out’ stormed the singles charts at the beginning of the year bringing the ‘Scottish Interpol’ in the public consciousness. Before you could say “bandwagon jumping bastards” the album was flying off the shelves into the home of the Daily Mail reading masses.

A source close to the band said: "Reaching a million is such a milestone, it just has such a great ring to it. It's so well deserved - the band haven't stopped since the start of the year.

"There's still so much to do, the band are just about to start their second US tour of the year, only this time they'll be playing much bigger venues and they've yet to go to Japan, so who knows how many they'll have sold in six months."

The sky could be the limit for the lads this summer as they play a load of profile enhancing festivals around the country as well as the tours of America and Japan just mentioned.

If you are going over to France this summer keep your eyes out for a limited edition 12” record put out by the lads. ‘Take Me Out’ has been re-mixed by Daft Punk and is to be released in the land of garlic and frogs legs only.

The soon to be much sought after record is out on 5th July and there are no plans to release it over here although it is rumoured that it will be handed out to a number of DJs to be played in British clubs just to annoy the lives out of the true fans.

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Break On Through (With New Technology)...

The recent Pixies reunion tour was done purely for the money. The band admitted it and had no problem at all sleeping at night because of it. Part of their income is coming from selling copies of each gig they play, via a company called DiscLive , to people willing to cough up the cash – there has been no shortage of takers.

The recent gigs in London all sold out in minutes, all 1,500 recordings from each night took a little longer but now they have gone too. That is 6,000 CD’s sold of gigs that fans had already attended! With each set of disc’s cost $25 (without shipping of course) you don’t have to be Carol Vorderman to work out that the band are laughing all the way to the bank.

On top of this the band are making more cash by giving the fans that missed out on the CD’s with the original artwork (including pictures taken from each separate night) a chance to get their hands on the discs. If you have a couple of blank CD’s, a CD burner and $18 to spare you can now have a cheap version of the gig.

DiscLive are giving punters the chance to make a legal copy of the gig themselves via their ‘NetBurn’ service. Pay the cash, get a link to their site, a password, hit the button and burn away 1 copy of the concert. Almost money for nothing...nicely done Pixies!

The latest band to get onto this cash making phenomenon is The Doors Of The 21st Century. Never heard of them? It is the name that Ray Manzerek and Robbie Krieger are going under these days. Not as snappy as The Doors I reckon...

Anyway, the half of The Doors lads have struck a deal with DiscLive to do a similar thing to that the Pixies have done but they have decided to dispense with the packaging altogether. Fans will be able to buy the download online for $20 as soon as they get home from the show making it the quickest ever live album launch.

Zack Bair, CEO of Immediatek (who own DiscLive) said: "Each fan will receive an access code that will enable them to download and burn that night's concert at their home computer over the Internet from anywhere in the world.

"This is a landmark event for the industry, as this is the first time a concert will be recorded and made available only through NetBurn - and so quickly after a show."

Could this be the start of yet another revolution in music?

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LIVE! Somewhere...

Friend of a friend of Audio Truckstop, Badly Drawn Boy, is the latest to come up with a novel way of promoting his new single release. Hot on the heels of Razorlight who are playing a free gig on the roof of a pub in London comes BDB and his secret pub tour.

Badly Drawn Boy (real name Damon Gough) has announced he's doing a series of secret pub gigs up and down the UK starting today (Friday 18th June). The thing is, he isn’t telling anyone where the gig is until a couple of hours before they take place.

Here is the full list of dates...

Friday 18th June - Somewhere in Scotland
Saturday 19th June - Somewhere in the North West
Sunday 20th June - Somewhere in Yorkshire
Monday 21st June - Somewhere in the Midlands
Tuesday 22nd June - Somewhere in the South East
Wednesday 23rd June - Somewhere in the South Coast
Thursday 24th June - Somewhere in the South West

As you can see he is being pretty vague. Wanna know where he is? Then simply head over to his official website at 5pm on the day of the gig to find out where he’ll be strumming. All the gigs are free but as they are in a pub you have to be at least 18 years old to get in.

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She Is Going To Driver Me Crazy...

If it wasn’t bad enough having to listen to pop stars murdering shit songs on our radio’s everyday we now have to put up with actresses doing it too. Minnie Driver has announced that she has signed a record contract with Rounder Records. Great, just what we need...

The 34-year-old actress has apparently been involved with music since the early 1990’s and even had a deal with Island Records it seems. She got a part in a film, made a few quid and decided to turn her back on making music until now.

Her album is finished and should be in all good record shops this September. Entitled ‘Everything I've Got In My Pocket’ the long player includes a copy of Bruce Springsteen's ‘Hungry Heart’. This is getting worse by the minute; it is like watch a car crash.

Driver wrote all the songs herself and the album has been described as "sparse, atmospheric pop" with a bit of "contemporary rock". Oh for the love of God...

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Born To Make You Happy...

Expect to see Britney Spears with bigger norks in the next couple of months. The 22-year-old horn-cake has had to cancel her latest tour after doing her knee in so badly while filming the video for he latest single that she needed surgery.

Remember the last time she did her knee in and had to have surgery? She suddenly went from an ‘A’ to a ‘C’ cup...hmmm.

Ms. Spears had arthroscopic surgery to repair severe damage to her knee joint which will keep her out of action for at least four months Doctors reckon (plenty of time for the under-bap scar tissue to heal nicely).

The medical sorts have advised her to stay off her knee and keep it in a hard brace for at least six weeks, after which she'll require a minimum of eight to 12 weeks of physical therapy.

There is no mention of her refraining from doing any jiggling exercise incase her stitches burst but I assume that after last time she already knows this – such a pro is our Britney...

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This Monkey’s Gone To Heaven – by Philamental...

Well I certainly feel like I have anyway! I have just seen my third Pixies gig in the last couple of weeks and thought I would share my experience with you good, good people!

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Thursday - 3rd June - Brixton Academy, London...

The sold out Thursday and Friday gigs at the Brixton Academy earlier this month were the two best gigs I have ever had the pleasure to experience!

I had read on various message-boards and newsgroups that there was little in the way of interaction between the band and the crowd throughout this tour and to be honest I don't give a shit. When the band play their songs as well as that, with that fucking energy and expression, they completely connect with the crowd and the fact that there was no bullshit banter made no difference to me.

For me, Thursday was the better of the two. Possibly because I was in the stalls and gagging for the experience but I dunno. It turned out to be way better than I hoped and that's saying something given the fact that I had seriously high expectations due to literally waiting half my life to see this band.

I was completely expecting 'Bone Machine' as the opener, but we got 'La La Love You'! I would have expected a choice like that would fail miserably as an opener (well maybe not that bad, but you know what I mean) but as I listened to it and tried to contain my excitement at the experience, I felt it worked fantastically as the first track. From that moment, they had me!

For the rest of the gig, they played just about every single song (from the selection they are playing on this tour) that I wanted to hear, bar one (revealed later). They even played the not a regular ‘Is She Weird’ which is one of my all time fave’s!

I swear, when they played that and 'Monkey Gone To Heaven', I got quite emotional. The band then proceeded to play 3 encores which I really wasn't expecting and they seemed to play for very close to hours overall which was absolutely fantastic!

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Friday - 4th June - Brixton Academy, London...

Friday was completely different, and for that reason it was very nearly as good. I think if I had seen the exact same set list, I'd have not felt the same, but as it was such a different experience it made a unique and equally great impression on me. Some of that was down to the fact that for the Friday gig, I was in the 'circle' balcony, which in itself gives you a different perspective of the gig.

Initially I felt a bit distant but as soon as the gig started, I didn't notice it at all. I was also next to some serious Pixies fan friends of mine who weren’t there on the Thursday and being upstairs meant we could easily have the craic and turn to each other for each cool moment we were experiencing which was great fun.

As for the set list, the only song that got played on Friday that I wanted to hear and didn’t get played on Thursday was 'Planet of Sound' which I think they pulled out in one of the three encores they played again. Overall the gig felt noticeably shorter but I'm not sure.

Friday had one of the best personal moments for me though, as when 'Tame' came on me and two of my friends felt the urge to do our Black Francis impression and scream the chorus as best as we could (this was completely unplanned and unrehearsed incidentally) and we clearly out sang Charles to the row in front of us who at one stage stopped watching the gig and turned around to look at us in amazement!

It was made even better when one of them turned around and applauded us when the song finished! We must have been somewhat in key...

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Saturday – 12th June - Phoenix Park, Dublin...

I bought my ticket for this gig before I secured tickets for the Brixton gigs earlier this month. I may not have done so if I had know I would be seeing them in London, as seeing them as only a support act (albeit 'very special guests') in a huge open air venue surrounded by Red Hot Chili Pepper fans isn't an ideal situation.

However, I decided to go all the same as some friends of mine who didn't make it to Brixton were going and it was easy enough to hitch a ride and see what happened, and I have to say, I'm so glad I did!

It completely exceeded my expectations of how good they could be in the conditions. They really rocked us! It was absolutely fantastic! While the Brixton gigs were obviously better, I actually had more fun a couple of times on Saturday, as I was surrounded by devoted Pixies fans who sang along with all their hearts and pogo'd and danced around for the whole set! It was mighty craic!

The other big surprise was the length of the set. Nobody really expected them to play for more than an hour, but maybe the 'very special' guest label carried some weight as I was told they played for about 80 mins or so.

Of all the songs they could pull from the current tour play list, they gave the fans just about every song they wanted to hear. (I'd love to have heard ‘La La Love You’, and ‘Is She Weird’ again, but that's just my own personal taste).

‘Monkey Gone To Heaven’ was sublime, and even 'Here Comes Your Man' which I actually hate was so much fun when it's played and you're surrounded by Pixies fans dancing and jumping and having the time of their lives! ‘No. 13 Baby’ – this is just so fucking good live!!!

A slight point of interest, I once again gave my own whole hearted (and throat damaging) rendition during 'Tame' and once again I had the poor fuckers who had to stand in front of me turn and applaud my performance when the song ended! Watch out Charles, it seems you've got competition!

Overall I had the pleasure of seeing three very unique Pixies performances in two wildly differing venues. Each was amazing in it’s own right but when viewed as a collective I can honestly say that it is the best live experience I have ever witnessed.

This particular monkey certainly has gone to heaven...long live the Pixies!

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Happy Mondays, Pixies, Razorlight, festival tragedy, INXS, Zane Lowe and Jennifer Lopez...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about a new single from the Pixies, a cunning stunt from Razorlight, tragedy at a major festival, the latest and greatest in reality TV shows, Zane Lowe’s play list for this week and Jennifer Lopez's new flip-flops. But first up it is the return of the Happy Mondays.

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22nd August Party People...

Get your Joe Bloggs jeans out of the wardrobe, don your purple hooded top and prepare for the second baggy coming. Happy Mondays are to reform for a one off gig taking place on Clapham Common this August!

The ‘Madchester’ veterans are to headline the ‘Get Loaded In The Park’ festival taking place on Sunday 22nd August to help promote unsigned bands from around the country.

Shaun Ryder said: "For me this is about putting something back in. I’ve been working with Get Loaded and Kav (promoter) for some time now and when the lads came up with the idea and said we’d be pushing loads of new bands as well, it just seem only right to be involved.

"I’m not dealing with corporates here, I’m dealing with a group of lads who just wanna make something happen!"

But it isn’t just the Monday’s who will be at the one day event, if you go along you will also have the chance to see some other famous faces from the music world including Bez's new band Domino Bones and the legendary Arthur Baker.

As well as live acts there will be a number of DJ slots being filled by some heavyweights of the Madchester scene including former hacienda resident Graeme Park, M-People’s Mike Pickering, Inspiral Carpets' Clint Boon, New Order bass player Peter Hook and The Smiths Andy Rourke & Mike Joyce.

Tickets for the event went on sale on Monday 14th June with a limited number priced at £15 through TicketMaster. To get your grubby little mitts on tickets for which will be one of the most surreal events of the summer visit the TicketMaster website or call 08700 601 801.

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13 – Lucky Number For Fans...

After a 13 year absence the Pixies have returned to the studio to produce a record. Don’t get too excited though, it is only a single song and is only available through Apple’s iTunes music store.

The track is called Bam Thwok and was written by bassist Kim Deal. Rather eccentrically the song is based on a surreal story written in an book found by the Breeders singer while on tour years ago (sounds like a typical Pixies song to me!).

Deal said: "From the handwriting, you could tell that this book must have belonged to a little kid.

"This kid had written a short story, a paragraph really, about a party that took place in another universe, about people and monsters that were partying together. That's what provided the inspiration for the lyrics.

"It's a song about loving everyone, showing goodwill to everyone."

Sound strange enough for you? No? You want more weirdness? What if I were to tell you that the song also features an organ solo, recorded by guitarist Joey Santiago's father-in-law when he was a missionary in the Philippines years ago?

Got to get my hands on that song!

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Get Back To Get Ahead...

In an effort to get a bit of free publicity (it is working already lads) Razorlight have decided to ape The Beatles by playing a free rooftop gig this Friday. The rockers release their new single ‘Golden Touch’ this week and have organised the event to raise awareness of the release.

Fancy it? Just turn up at the Bricklayers Arms this Friday at 8.30pm. The Bricklayers Arms is situated at 62 Charlotte Road, Old Street, London, EC2 so if you live outside the capitol then tough shit I guess.

As well as being a ‘secret gig’ (spattered across the pages of the music press as well as streaming its way around a load of music sites – yeah, dead secret!) it is also a free one so simply turn up for bragging rights over your makes.

If you can’t make it to London to see them, don’t despair; they will be playing some of the festivals this summer so there is still a chance to catch their show.

They will be taking the stage at ‘T In The Park’ up in Scotland, which takes place on Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th of July and at the ‘Carling Weekender’ at Reading and Leeds between Friday 27th and Sunday 29th August.

Their debut album 'Up All Night' will be released on June 28th.

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Festival tragedy...

It has been reported that two festivalgoers in America have been killed over the weekend. The deaths of a 22-year-old woman from Kentucky and a 20-year-old Michigan man occurred at the Bonnaroo festivalg near Nashville and have been linked to drugs.

Despite the pair being rushed to the nearby Manchester Medical Centre, they were both pronounced dead on arrival.

Jonathan Mayers, co-owner of Superfly, co-producers of the event said: "I would say we have one of the best EMT [Emergency Medical Treatment] staffs out there.

"Our medical director has been on a lot of these type events, [including] Woodstock and the Phish events. He knows how to handle these situations, and how to react carefully. People's safety is the number one concern out here.

"Every year you're learning. Every time you think you've got a handle on it, new situations happen. That's why every year we step it up, and we know next year's gonna be better, and the next better than that."

90,000 people attended the event to see the likes of Bob Dylan, Kings Of Leon, David Byrne, Yo La Tengo and My Morning Jacket.

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New Sensation Needed Tonight...

Love it or hate it reality TV gives us, the humble masses, a chance to get famous, make it big and get our hands on some serious Benjamin’s. The latest show to have you gawping at the screen like a sedated wide mouth frog sees INXS looking for a new singer. Yes, the INXS!

I shit you not!

The winner of the competition run by the band in association with the producer of 'Survivor' and 'The Apprentice', Mark Burnett, will record an album with the band and almost certainly tour the world with the veteran Aussie rockers living the dream.

Burnett told the official INXS website: "I am a long-time fan of INXS and feel very fortunate that INXS approached us with this idea and have entrusted us with their future."

Don’t think that just because the show will be shown in the US first that you will miss your opportunity to try out, Burnett has assured fans that auditions for the show will be held worldwide.

Phew! We all get a crack at playing with the band, playing in front of 80,000 fans and if art imitates life, playing with Kylie Minogue!!!

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Zane’s Brain...

It’s that time again, time for a quick look at what Radio 1’s Zane Lowe is playing on his evening show. A quick glance sees that this week Zane will mostly be playing The Earlies who were in the studio with our favourite import from New Zealand since their lamb.

The Streets - 'Dry Your Eyes'
Blink 182 - 'Down'
The Ordinary Boys - 'Talk Talk Talk'
Armand Van Helden - 'My My My'
Young Heart Attack - 'Starlite'
Ryan Adams - 'Wonderwall'
Goldie Lookin' Chain - 'Guns Don't Kill People...'
The Distillers - 'Beat Your Heart Out'
Amusement Parks On Fire - 'Venus In Cancer'
High Contrast - 'Twighlights Last Gleaming'
Red Hot Chili Peppers - 'Suck My Kiss'
Lady Sovereign - 'Chi Ching'
Kings Of Convenience - 'Misread'
Velvet Revolver - 'Slither'
The Killers - 'Mr Brightside'
TV On The Radio - 'Staring At The Sun'
Beastie Boys - 'Right Right Now Now'
The Secret Machines - 'Nowhere Again'
Leftfield - 'Original'
Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster - 'I Could Be An Angle'
The Earlies - 'Devil's Country'
Mark B - 'Move Now'
The Earlies - 'Bring It Back Again'
The Bled - 'You Know Who's Seatbelt'
The Earlies - 'Sweet Dreams My LA Ex'
RJD2 - 'Exotic Talk'
New Rhodes - 'I Wish I Was You'

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Bling Bling Again For Lopez...

"Money’s too tight to mention" as fat-wap Mick Hucknall once bleated in the 80’s – not if you are Jennifer Lopez it isn’t. ‘Little Miss Bling’ is famous for her spending although if you listen to her she will tell you she is still just Jenny from the block – the team here at Audio Truckstop Towers believe her:

(Taken from the 50 worst singles article)

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Jenny From The Block – Jennifer Lopez

Kliffton: Get out of your own arse...

Kos: Whatever Jen, if you were REALLY from the block you'd have the bad HIV, a huge smack habit, be turning tricks for a tenner and a boyfriend who beats you regularly, I like that version better...

Mitch: Don’t be fooled by this gun that I’ve got...

Philamental: So despite all your millions of dollars and the fact you dress like diamond-clad whore, you haven't changed a bit? Christ, I never knew the Bronx was like that! Movies have clearly lied to us all.
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Anyway, back at the ranch... Lopez’s new husband obviously knows what a magpie she is and so when he decided to nip into Littlewoods to get her a new pair of flip-flops he knew the pressure was on to please his meal ticket, erm I mean lovely wife.

After elbowing his way around pissy-biscuit reeking grannies for an hour or so he finally found the ideal sandals for our Jen. He snapped them up and took them back to their 2 up, 2 down terrace in Withenshaw.

The sandals he picked are no ordinary sandals; they cost a whopping £13,000 and have a feather pattern on them made up of 18 carat gold shavings!

Ah, only the best for Jenny who is determined to remind us that despite having a lot these days she still knows were she came from. I want to be sick...

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Warriors Of Genghis Khan – by Kos...

At the end of a pretty hectic week of band watching I went to the New Wave of American Heavy Metal gig at the Liverpool Academy on Friday.

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I should probably say at this point that I'm not a fan of old school metal, I have real problems relating to nasty faded denim, hair from Timotei adverts, galloping guitars, fog horn vocals and lyrics about goblins so I'm not viewing this return of widdly guitar solos with much joy, I mean Chimaira had synchronised head banging and shape throwing from the guitarists...

I'm all for a bit of showmanship but it's all getting a bit 1988 around here if you ask me, don't let Eddie Vedder have suffered for nothing...

I saw half of God Forbid's set due to finishing work late and was pretty impressed, they sounded a bit nu metally with downtuned guitars and the singer had a great voice, it was just the inserting of very technical solos at random points that took away from the songs.

The next band up was Shadows Fall, these were a bit more thrashy and one of the guitarists had the great Cookie Monster voice that signifies the devil is indeed here and channelling himself through the singers outrageous dreads.

This set went really quickly and I did enjoy them to the point that I might go through the trauma of downloading a couple of songs to see if the cd's worth buying. At one point a circle pit started and I was amazed that I hadn't been killed years ago when I used to be stupid enough to go into them...

Chimaira played Liverpool last February but I missed them so I was looking forward to seeing them, they sounded a bit like Slipknot and they also had the obligatory useless member who shouted now and again, pressed a button to play a sample, threw himself around a bit and tipped bottles of water on himself, hard work being in a band these days...

They were enjoyable and had a new twist on the pit situation, at the start of the song they split the crowd down the middle by about 8 feet, counted in the next song and each side of the floor ran at the other. There were some spectacular collisions and it raised the fear levels considerably.

The headliners were Killswitch Engage, these fall into the Post Hardcore variety (kind of emo kids with an Eddie from Iron Maiden backpack instead of an Elmo one).

In my review of the last album I said that the singer had an amazing voice and it definitely carries over live even when he's bouncing up and down. The lead guitarist must have seen 'More Bad News' repeatedly as he seemed to base the whole of his performance on Colin Grigson (Rik Mayal's character).

Within the first 40 seconds he ran across the stage 4 times, spun his guitar around his head, pulled a variety of faces and licked his guitar neck, basically he was like a 3 year old chimp with ADD off his face on Panda lemonade and speed.

They were amazingly tight but I guess when a band's as technical as that they have to be.

It was a pretty interesting night, not totally my kind of music but there was some good stuff there.

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The Audio Truckstop 50 worst singles of all time...

As you know music is a very emotive and personal subject so when it comes to shit songs everyone has an opinion. As the regular visitor to this little corner of the web will know, we recently came across Blender magazine’s worst 50 songs of all time and had our say.

Although we agreed with a lot of the nominations we thought we could do a lot better (‘We Built This City’ by Starship is not the worst song in the world ever, I don’t care what they say). So here it is, the Audio Truckstop shitlist compiled by four members of the team.

Myself, Kliffton Heights, Kos and new kids on the blog Mitch and Philamental came up with the following 50 based on a few simple rules; no novelty records were allowed, it must have been released as a single, each song had to be nominated by at least three of the four and each track had to be hated and/or annoying as fuck.

We then wrote a quick assassination of each track separately and whipped it up into one big, festering, pile of ‘only available via this TV offer’ crud.

Now we know that in your opinion there will be crimes to the ear that are missing but that is just life. We have no doubt considered them but have chosen this lot instead. So without any further delay, ladies and gentlemen here comes the crap!

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50: Please Release Me – Englebert Humpedink

Kliffton: Tit.

Kos: Please do, then I won't have to hear this again.

Roo: Please choke on your own vomit Jerry...

Mitch: “I’m sorry Mr Humpedink but your parole has not been granted.”

Philamental: One of the biggest selling UK singles of all time....the record buying public are either complete twats or have a very good sense of humour!


49: Thank You – Dido

Kliffton: Fuck you!

Kos: The soundtrack to the lives of boring middleclass girls who aspire to be Bridget Jones, they need a good hard slap!

Roo: Think she is a whining bitch now? She has got menopause to go through yet...

Mitch: No thank you Dido!!!

Philamental: Eminem had the right idea...stick her in the back of a car and drive it off a bridge!


48: Don’t It Make You Feel Good – Steffan Dennis

Kliffton: Hee hee, so poo its good!

Kos: There's a reason why some people are actors and others are singers, this illustrates it.

Roo: No Steff lad, it makes me want to barf all over the place you blockheaded cuntflap…

Mitch: No it doesn’t Steffan!

Philamental: Is this the tool from 'Gaybours'? If it is, yes...this is utter shite...otherwise I'm lost.


47: Drugs Don’t Work – Verve

Kliffton: Too right they don't...check out your kipper Rich.

Kos: Yes they do, you just need to get better ones dick eyes. Stop being such a whiner, I lived in Wigan for a bit too, it's not THAT bad and you've got loads of money...

Roo: I wish they had you gibbon faced tool.

Mitch: Yes they do, you’re just from Wigan.

Philamental: They clearly don't if you were on drugs when you wrote this, Richard.


46: Missing You – Everything But The Girl

Kliffton: Big chinned freak.

Kos: Doesn't really insult me, don't mind it.

Roo: Cheer up goth!

Mitch: Not anymore moon-face!

Philamental: A shite unknown single until they put a drum machine into it... Then it became a shite popular single.


45: Cat Amongst The Pigeons – Bros

Kliffton: We are artists not just pop stars...

Kos: No wonder the Brosettes moved onto Take That

Roo: Soppy wank from the soppiest band ever to be shat onto a Radio 1 turntable.

Mitch: Fuck off!!!

Philamental: Has anyone managed to listen to the lyrics of this? A foetus with brain damage could have written something better!


44: Diamond Lights – Hoddle & Waddle

Kliffton: They well meant it!

Kos: Ick.

Roo: What were they thinking? Seriously?

Mitch: What is this shit?

Philamental: I actually liked this...I was 10 years old...'nuff fucking said...utter wank!


43: End Of The Road – Boyz II Men

Kliffton: Crap black blokes do music - badly.

Kos: Pity they weren't left in the middle of the desert when they did the video for this.

Roo: A prime example why R&B is pure evil…

Mitch: Great, now fuck off!

Philamental: You're all a bunch of twats! This is a great fucking song! Number One for about 34 years in the States! It's one for charming the ladies, you fags!


42: Aint No Doubt – Jimmy Nail

Kliffton: She's lyin’! No son, the record company did...to you.

Kos: I don't remember it being THAT bad.

Roo: She says: 'This is a fucking wank song and you know it!' - "She's lying" - No she isn't Jimmy you fucking Neanderthal.

Mitch: There aint no doubt that Jimmy is handsome – ‘we’re lying!’.

Philamental: Why do all geordies have a face like a smacked arse and voices to match?


41: Every Loser Wins – Nick Berry

Kliffton: Fuck off heart beat tit

Kos: ...and then goes on to do more pointless bland Sunday evening TV.

Roo: ...and then he manages to release 'Heartbeat'! Why is he still alive?

Mitch: How does that work then Nick?

Philamental: Is this some new marketing technique that enticed the nation's losers to buy this piece of shit? It would make sense as to why it was popular anyway.


40: Mysterious Girl – Peter Andre

Kliffton: Nobhead.

Kos: I actually feel a small level of pity for him having to put up with Jordan to kick start his career then I hear this and want his suffering to be never ending.

Roo: No no no... Kangaroo molesting fuckwit.

Mitch: It is a mystery why this has been a hit again.

Philamental: I used to think this was complete and utter shite when it was first released, yet when I heard it again on it's recent re-issueing I realised I was too leniant.


39: Red Red Wine – UB40

Kliffton: Crap white blokes do reggae...badly.

Kos: Anything by this band is arse of the highest order.

Roo: Reggae is fucking crap. Brum reggae is what I think is played in hell.

Mitch: No!

Philamental: It mentions Red twice in the title...nuff said!


38: Believe – Cher

Kliffton: Oh! Isn't it brilliant the way she's always dead current???! Up with all the trends is our Cher!

Kos: The worst use of a voicecoder EVER, what happened to ‘Turn Back Time’ and ‘Heart of Stone’ Cher? Get your butt out again...

Roo: Reminds me of a good time. On reflection the song IS pish though...

Mitch: We don’t believe you Cher.

Philamental: Just go back to walking around in a body length G-String, love. At least that was vaguely interesting.


37: It Wasn’t Me – Shaggy

Kliffton: Whatever.

Kos: That's what I'll say after I unload a clip into his face.

Roo: Good, I'm glad! Now shut the fuck up about it you beaut.

Mitch: Yes it was! Guilty as charged, take him down!

Philamental: As Bart Simpson found out, resorting to saying 'it wasnt me' or similar gets pretty fucking tedious within 10 mins, yet this song was around for months. Can you guess how much I hate it?


36: Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Aerosmith

Kliffton: The mighty fall continues...

Kos: You did ‘Walk This Way’, what happened????

Roo: Whinning, rubber-faced, toss-piece. The song is almost as shit as his daughter’s performance in the wank film it was used to flog.

Mitch: DON’T AGREE! This is being played at my wedding!

Philamental: I had many an intimate moment with my ex girlfriend to this song...she broke my heart...THIS SONG MUST DIE!!!!!!


35: The Sign – Ace Of Base

Kliffton: Get out!

Kos: One of the worst examples of Euro pop EVER with a horrific saxophone solo.

Roo: Euro-pop! You have just gotta love it!

Mitch: Christ on a bike...

Philamental: Fuck off! I really really wanted to fuck the blonde one! Because of that, this song rocks!!!


34: 7 Days – Craig David

Kliffton: Total nobhead.

Kos: I want 7 centuries of torture for this get, horrible creepy example of look at me I'm such a playa

Roo: Get down with my soul-boy…from Southampton.

Mitch: ...but it feels like an eternity.

Philamental: Can't hear this song without thinking of Bo' Selecta. For that, it's Proper Bo' I tell thee!


33: Young At Heart – Bluebells

Kliffton: S'alright and Bobby's dead nice

Kos: Every time I hear this I want to beat them to death with that pigging violin.

Roo: You heart would be on display at the end of a rusty spoon in my living room if I'd have got my hands on you that summer you cocklord.

Mitch: But barren of talent.

Philamental: Oh I hate this fucking song! It's just the type of wank tune that will get people who have no taste in music singing to the radio. Shite!


32: Nothings Gonna Change My Love For You – Glen Maderios

Kliffton: It went to number 1. My God!

Kos: Cheesy 80s ballad, not really THAT bad.

Roo: Music to slit your throat to. What ever happened to our Glen? I hope it was painful...

Mitch: Isn’t he a waiter in Cyprus now?

Philamental: One of the earliest aural abortions that springs to memory.


31: Stuck In A Moment – U2

Kliffton: Christ that is bad.

Kos: Or ‘Dead Australian Bloke Hanging Off the Doorframe With An Orange in His Mouth’, nearly as bad as ‘Beautiful Day’.

Roo: I love U2. I love INXS. Therefore a song by the Irish lads about Michael Hutchence should have been some sort of hymn to me. What the fuck is this shite?

Mitch: Imagine being stuck in a lift with Bono.

Philamental: This got song of the year at the Grammys... Why? It's a whiney piece of shit that displays U2 at their worst.


30: Cha Cha Slide – DJ Casper

Kliffton: Eeeuuuuuuwwweee!

Kos: So bad it is bad.

Roo: I know a person who helped get this released. Needless to say I hit him...hard.

Mitch: Jesus H. Christ on a lollypop stick.

Philamental: Despite getting a recent 'live demonstration' of what this song appears to be about, I thankfully have never heard it, so no comment.


29: Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter – Iron Maiden

Kliffton: Oh just fuck off!

Kos: Grr, galloping double guitars, Bruce Dickinson wailing away like a fog horn and lyrics about dungeons and dragons, it's a load of goblins...

Roo: Only heard the chorus and it just sounds like every other Iron Maiden song...yeah, in that case I think I hate it.

Mitch: And hopefully this will stop them breeding.

Philamental: While not their finest moment, Maiden rocks so i'm sticking up for this one! Great fun live too. Up the Irons!!!


28: I Want Your Sex – George Michael

Kliffton: Oh for God’s sake...

Kos: I want you to go away George and think about what you've done.

Roo: "Sex is natural, sex is good! Not everybody does it, but everybody should!" Especially in public toilets eh George you mincing cunt?

Mitch: “Man love”.

Philamental: I was young and dead eager to hear this cause it was banned and had 'sex' in the title. Even at my early age I condemned it as complete shite when I eventually heard it.


27: Hero – Chad Kroger

Kliffton: Massive tit.

Kos: To be fair the video had Kirstin Dunst with red hair in it...

Roo: The fact that this song is already considered a K-Tel filler speaks volumes to me.

Mitch: Right, that is it!!!

Philamental: Kirstin Dunst's see through wet top makes a huge difference to this song.


26: Life Is A Roller Coaster – Ronan Keating

Kliffton: Yet another nobhead.

Kos: This and ‘Reach’ by S Club are staples of the inspirational corporate gatherings, it reaffirms why I hate my life and job.

Roo: This is what happens when you put words to that musak played in lifts.

Mitch: No it isn’t Ronan you Guinness drinking, spud eating twat.

Philamental: What do you mean Ronan? A rollercoaster is all ups and downs...oh wait, I see what you've done now...you're so fucking clever arent you! Gay club cocktease!


25: All Around The World – Oasis

Kliffton: Manc blurts...this really is the nadir.

Kos: *shudder* Scall rock, for people who want to get hammered before deciding if you're their new best mate or if they want to glass you.

Roo: Oasis cement their position as the worlds premier Beatles tribute band with this crap.

Mitch: Noooooo!!!

Philamental: They seriously took their obsession with the Beatles too far with this one. If Lennon was still alive, he'd really have to watch out for Noel Gallagher when he went out for a pint of milk.


24: Kingston Town – UB40

Kliffton: Somehow manages to be even worse than ‘Red Red Wine’!

Kos: More of the stupid Brummies pretending to be black, the Birmingham accent has to be the worst one in the world.

Roo: Did 'John Doe' play this to one of the victims in the film 'Seven'? If he had played it to me I'd have eaten myself to death, bled myself, tortured myself for a year, shagged myself with a massive knife, took an overdose and cut my own fucking head off just to get away from that crud.

Mitch: No.

Philamental: "We're working class lads from Bermingham...I know...let's write a song all about our love for Jamaica! That will show the world how much of a bunch of pricks we are!" Mission accomplished boys.


23: Riverboat Song – Ocean Colour Scene

Kliffton: Total utter shite mod bollocks.

Kos: I HATE this song, it symbolizes everything I hated about Brit Pop, stupid swaggering around to faux guitar music.

Roo: The song that will forever be associated with TFI Friday. For this alone the members of this group should be flailed to within an inch of their life.

Mitch: CHRIS EVANS!

Philamental: Classic Riff! Band are a bunch of tools, but this is great fun to play and sounds good and recogniseable no matter how shit you are! I impressed lots of girlies with this on my acoustic!


22: Love Is All Around – Wet Wet Wet

Kliffton: The smack head bin man’s finest hour...

Kos: Pity he didn't spend the money he made from this to get higher strength smack...

Roo: Crap song, crap cover version, crap video flogging a crap film. No wonder this crap made it into our top 50.

Mitch: And so is smack apparently.

Philamental: REM did this unplugged...it was a sweet warm and respectful cover version. WWW took the same song and turned it into one of the most irritating examples of aural torture ever!


21: Always – Bon Jovi

Kliffton: I hate this lot.

Kos: Jon, stop knocking out these rank ballads to sell to the mums, PLEASE!

Roo: Soppy cock rock from the middle-aged man with a Superman tattoo. Cunt.

Mitch: Unfortunately...

Philamental: Used to really like them when I was younger. No matter how shit this is, they've released far worse in recent years.


20: Promise Me – Beverly Craven

Kliffton: Oh just fuck off.

Kos: Don’t really remember this.

Roo: Why middle-aged women shouldn't be given a record deal.

Mitch: Promise me you will die.

Philamental: She's Irish and I used to really want to fuck her! She gets my seal of approval (You don't want to know what I'm using to 'seal' the approval)


19: Jenny From The Block – Jennifer Lopez

Kliffton: Get out of your own arse...

Kos: Whatever Jen, if you were REALLY from the block you'd have the bad HIV, a huge smack habit, be turning tricks for a tenner and a boyfriend who beats you regularly, I like that version better...

Roo: Unpretentious (Adj):Lacking pretension or affectation, Not ostentatious, Exhibiting restrained good taste. Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got… Do one.

Mitch: Don’t be fooled by this gun that I’ve got...

Philamental: So despite all your millions of dollars and the fact you dress like diamond clad whore, you haven't changed a bit? Christ, I never knew the Bronx was like that! Movies have clearly lied to us all.


18: Return Of The Mack – Mark Morrison

Kliffton: Christ that’s bad.

Kos: English people just can't do this playa thing can they?

Roo: Shut up you fucking wankstain. Aren't you the gangsta? Where are you from again? Oh yeah the mean streets of Leicester. Fucking Leicester!

Mitch: Oh my gawd...

Philamental: I hate nursery rhyme 'rap' or in this case nursery rhyme crap!


17: Against All Odds – Mariah Carey & Westlife

Kliffton: Carey + shite + Westlife = utter shite.

Kos: And you thought the original was bad?

Roo: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! This song proves that if you try to polish a turd you end up with shit everywhere.

Mitch: I’ll give them evens, they are all shit.

Philamental: I hated the original more I have to admit. Which reminds me...why is there no Phil Collins so far?


16: Everything I Do I Do It For You – Bryan Adams

Kliffton: I'm so happy about that Bry.

Kos: Do ‘Summer of 69’ Bry, do ‘Run To You’, do that one you did with Snorty Spice just don't do THIS for the love of God...

Roo: This song was number one for 16 long weeks...4 months...a third of the year! I wanted to slash his throat in the end.

Mitch: I wish he wouldn’t.

Philamental: This would be in my top 5. 16 of the worst weeks of my life...4 long fucking summer months with that shite coming out of every radio.


15: Killing Me Softly – Fugees

Kliffton: I like this!

Kos: Boring, boring, no wonder Wyclef's doing adverts for Virgin.

Roo: "One time…" Fuck off Wycliffe you floppy haired twat. I wish that you really were in that prison 'superstar', I would have laughed my arse off if that big 'Bubba' kicked your backdoor in so much that your entire bottom half fell off. Oh and that Lauryn Hill can shut her fucking mouth too the minging skank.

Mitch: Kill YOU softly.

Philamental: This is quality! Lauryn Hill has an amazing voice and does a great vocal on this track. And shouting 'ONE TIME' in the pub with your mates when pissed used be class!


14: Dilemma – Nelly feat Kelly Rowland

Kliffton: Garston home girls can you hear me...

Kos: The savior of ringtone merchants everywhere, allowing scall girls to think they were black, to be fair Kelly's the cute one in Destiny's Child.

Roo: The ringtone of choice for 18-year-old white girls who think that listening to R&B on Top Of The Pops makes them black.

Mitch: The only dilemma I can see is whether to burn or hang you.

Philamental: This is a bit shit alright, but I wouldnt mind giving Kelly a good seeing to, so it's not that bad for that reason.


13: I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston

Kliffton: I won’t.

Kos: Poor, poor Whitney...

Roo: Why is your jaw wobbling so much Whitney? Is it for the song or is it a symptom of being twatted out of your skull on bugle?

Mitch: “Welcome to your new padded room Miss Houston. Nurse!”

Philamental: This is even worse the Bryan Adams. Utter utter pigshit! This makes the Dolly Parton version sound like an aural masterpiece!


12: Another Day In Paradise – Phil Collins

Kliffton: Collins, NOOOO!!!

Kos: Yeah you'd know ALL about that homeless thing wouldn't you Phil in your mansion in Switzerland? Get out my life and take that ‘Groovy Kind of Love’ gash with you too.

Roo: Hey, he is doing it for the homeless you heartless bastards...

Mitch: Not for us, Phil.

Philamental: About time this wanker made it into this list. The homeless have enough fucking problems without having this miserable piece of shit dedicated to their 'cause'.


11: Dancing In The Moonlight – Toploader

Kliffton: Asda's fave...I hate it so much its ridiculous!

Kos: Shouldn't rock music make you want to go out and get hookers and blow? This makes you want to sit in and do the crossword and have a nice quiet night in, tossers.

Roo: A song that truly makes my flesh crawl.

Mitch: ...hopefully near a steep cliff, tall pier, accident black-spot...

Philamental: Not the worst song on the list. I've sang this a number of times when 'beered up' so I obviously don't hate it that much.


10: Unchained Melody – Robson & Jerome

Kliffton: Murderous thoughts.

Kos: Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon died for this world and people buy this drek.

Roo: Over-rated song performed by two actors, produced by Simon Cowell and loved by grannies across the nation. Is there any wonder this induces blood to spurt from my ears?

Mitch: Chain up the pair of ‘em I say.

Philamental: It might be uncool to say, but I absolutely love the original. However this cover version just takes my fond memory and pukes all over it while raping my mother just to get the point across. It's safe to say I don't like this.


9: Simply The Best - Tina Turner

Kliffton: Simply the vest you mean, rock & roll Granny.

Kos: Simply fucking shit.

Roo: Ah, the amateur DJ’s favourite! This abomination can be heard at every 16th, 18th and 21st birthday party, every wedding anniversary and wedding. I want to die.

Mitch: Is it Tina? Is it? Is this the best you can offer you horse-type beast?

Philamental: I fucking hate this! And it gets played EVERY FUCKING SINGLE TIME SOME SPORTSTEAM/PERSON WINS SOMETHING...which is like every fucking week! This song should be put down NOW!


8: Candle In The Wind (Dead Di Version)

Kliffton: Goodbye England’s rose...you after an award Elt?

Kos: Now this IS that bad, some Sloan ranger dies and she gets a record released in tribute? What's going on? She was a parasite you dolts.

Roo: Right I get the original, I get the performance in church but I don't fucking get the fourteen billion people who went out and bought this shite.

Mitch: Look at Elton’s eyebrow when he sings this!!!

Philamental: Elton swore he'd never play this again... Even HE clearly knows how bad it fucking is!


7: My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion

Kliffton: Arr. I loved the film then this comes on and I wanna kill small animals.

Kos: Histrionic diva wailing at it's worst, the only way it could have been worse was if Whitney and Mariah had put an appearance in on the film.

Roo: What's with the long face Celine you talentless moose?

Mitch: And on...and on...and on... (repeat to fade).

Philamental: Seriously...this song used to be very special to me and my ex, but for some reason, it hasn't gone the same way as the Aerosmith shite mentioned earlier. Let Celine's heart go on for a bit longer I say.


6: We Are The World – USA for Africa

Kliffton: Sugar sweet, conscious cleaning shite.

Kos: Totally overwrought and American, why make your point with Midge Ure when you can ram it home with Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson and other assorted no marks bellowing it?

Roo: At least Band Aid was catchy, this is just limp shite.

Mitch: We are the shit more like.

Philamental: Prince dodged this and by doing so got about another million credibility points without even trying! 'Sending our love down the well' was better than this wank residue!


5: What’s Up – Four Non Blonds

Kliffton: B'jesus, this stinks.

Kos: Purgatory is this being played non stop while working in a call centre with a team made up solely of Dave of the Dead, Louis the XIV, Fat Rachel and Foot-long.

Roo: Oh for the love of God...

Mitch: Nothing is up, now fuck off!

Philamental: Ah no...this isn't that bad, and it was one of the first 'popular songs of the time' I could play quite well on my acoustic when I started to play so I have fond memories of this one.


4: Whole Of The Moon - The Waterboys

Kliffton: You came like a comet? Whatever.

Kos: This song blighted my life during university along with Neil Diamond, 4 nights a week I had to hear this get belted out in a club stylee by my dads mate in his pub act. Allegedly taking 8 days to record you have to ask yourself; why so long on such an obvious POS? Why is there a stupid noise to represent a comet? Why were people so stupid that they bought it on the 15th re release of it when they'd ignored it successfully previously? Why does god mess with me? Why, why, why???? It proves that there's nothing down for us as a species if drek like this is considered good and I still wish that I'd blown my dads mates foot off with one of those poxy little flash bombs he used to signify the comet so I wouldn't of had to hear it again...

Roo: Watch what happens when this bollocks is played in an Irish pub, it is cringe-worthy...

Mitch: Words fail me when asked to give a reason why I hate this.

Philamental: Because I'm Irish, it's probably not surprising that I like this song for the very same reason that Roo hates it!


3: Missing You – Puff Daddy

Kliffton: Me mates dead...lets make lots of money!

Kos: This makes me want to shoot everyone involved with making this in the face repeatedly, truly one of THE worst songs ever.

Roo: There is nothing worse than cashing in on someone else's misfortune least of all your best mates. The snide, money-grabbing cunt deserves a flight on John Denver Airlines...

Mitch: But cashing in!

Philamental: How do you make one of the worst ever Police songs even worse? By doing a cash in 'rap' cover version when your friend dies. Absolutely shite.


2: Cotton Eye Joe – Rednecks

Kliffton: Just fuck off.

Kos: Bring on the gas showers...

Roo: Fuck off and die NOW. This band is the very definition of a talent vacuum.

Mitch: Why? Why? Why?

Philamental: 'Hey Baby' is twice as annoying as this, but didnt make it cause the kopites objected as I understand ;-)


1: Achy Breaky Heart – Billy-Ray Cyrus

Kliffton: Mullet bell end hick blurt.

Kos: Mulleted freak messing with my life, you women would break your pelvises to open your legs for his cracker-barrel infected semen.

Roo: I cannot adequately put into words the rage this song induces in me. Mullet-headed jizz gobbler...

Mitch: Achy breaky, Billy? Twat...

Philamental: This is shockingly bad, but where is 'Hello' by Lionel Richie, or my own personal choice for the worst song ever...Mambo number fucking 5...I don't care if it's a novelty song...it needs to be highlighted as the anal raping of your eardrums that it is!


So there you have it, our take on the 50 worst songs ever to be released into the charts.

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Pretty cool weekend - by Kos...

As far as weekends go getting to see The Pixies and a day of Download has to be pretty cool!

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When I found out I was going to see The Pixies I was excited in a "Believe it when I see them play No 13 Baby" way, I expected them to break up again or some major debilitating muscle disease to strike me but luckily none of these things happened so I finally got to see one of the all time classic bands play a greatest hits set that has to rank up there as one of the best gigs I've ever seen.

We didn't see the support act (Graham Coxon) due to people drinking beer and a lot of staring at the merchandise stall and the very pretty girl working there as well as the ones walking past, this was one of the prettier gigs I've been to.

I've never been to the Brixton Academy so I was kind of excited about that and was well into the weird house things that were built into the venues roof.

It'd be almost impossible to pick out a favourite moment but an encore section that included 'Into The White', 'Gouge Away' and 'Debaser' has to rate up there...

Another favourite moment was when Joey Santiago started a solo, caught a drum stick from Dave Lovering, abused his guitar with it and then threw the stick back to the drummer who caught it can carried on playing seemlessly, truly the spirit of Nigel Tufnell lives on...

So yeah a great gig, how can you go wrong with a fat bloke in turn ups screaming "Debaser" at you and nearly the whole of the balcony doing the "we're not worthy" from Waynes World bowing thing at the end of the main set?

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I broke another duck this weekend by going to Download at Donnington on the Sunday, several of my favourite bands were playing that day (much better than the disjointed line up on the Saturday) and as I'd never been to Donnington before I was looking forward to it.

When I was growing up the Guns n Roses video for 'Paradise City' had that amazing view of a huge crowd when they played the Monsters of Rock gig so I was a little disappointed when I got there and it didn't seem as HUGE as I'd hoped.

We set up for the day on a hill at the back of the main stage and started to bake as the day wore on, these are the bands that I saw;

Ill Nino - Meh, middle of the road Nu Metal, with an extra percussionist and saw Latin style guitar thrown in, I've only heard a few of their songs so it all sounded a little samey but they were on for half an hour so it wasn't too offensive.

Turbonegro - I really like these, they're the band The Darkness should be, great rocking tunes, hilarious lyrics that don't totally grasp the English language fully (how can you not love a band that has the chorus of "I get errection"?) and far too much lippy and blusher. Well worth a look and they should of got a better reception than they did.

Soulfly - I've never been that into these and first song into their set it was like Ill Nino had never been away but after a bit I started to warm to them as they were a lot heavier and had more varied material and when you can throw Roots into your set then that's pretty cool.

Damageplan - This is where I started to have real issues, these got bumped onto the main stage as Slayer were having problems getting their gear on site so they ended up playing one of the other tents later in the day.

These things happen but when you have to wait an hour getting burnt to a crisp to see a poor mans version of Pantera then that's when my hatred of festivals is reaffirmed. To finish off the set they pulled out Walk to get everyone back on side, I can see through such a ploy, the man can't stick it to me that way...

Machine Head - These were similar to Soulfly, one of those bands that I've heard a few songs by but never bought an album, that's not going to change after this set but I like them more than I did previously. They were the first band of the day to have pretty much the crowd onside all the way through and they seemed genuinely touched at the reception they were getting.

Slipknot - This had to be the most violent set of the day, there were bodies flying all over the pit and on stage, mainly concentrating on the hits from the first 2 albums and a couple of the new one this was a really tight set that didn't let down, even the old trick of getting the crowd to bounce up and down like frogs during 'Spit It Out' was still funny.

I'm really biased cos I like this band but these were probably the band of the day for me although this runs close with the next band on...

Korn - I know it's really fashionable to knock the Nu Metal bands now but this was a great performance and the crowd were really into them with a huge pit for 'Blind' which was thrown into their set half way through.

Another greatest hits set and when you look at some of the songs that includes then they aren't doing too badly, Jon Davis still needs to get back onto the speed but the way he was throwing himself around it looked like he didn't need it.

I needed an ice lolly at this point and wandered around trying to find the mythical ice cream van that wasn't marking everything up 300000000000000000%, no joy unfortunately and ended up getting stung for £2.50, it's a sad state of affairs when you see a small tray of chips that in the real world you wouldn't pay more than 90p for and think that £2.00 is actually pretty reasonable...

Metallica - Now the waiting began, you always expect a bit of a wait for the headliners but not an hour and a half... We were debating that Lars Ulrich had got trapped under the site vending machine after not getting his creamychoc drink and he pulled it on top of himself.

Eventually the band came out (just as I was about to wander over to see the Suicide Girls Burlesque show (I think this meant they had tape on their nipples)) and said that Lars had been taken ill, rushed to hospital and they didn't know what was up (*cough* too much coke *cough*) but they were going to play with some of the drummers from other bands.

They ended up playing 2 songs with Dave Lombardo from Slayer, one with Lars' roadie and the rest of the hour and a quarter set with Joey Jordison from Slipknot.

I'm not the biggest Metallica fan but this was pretty enjoyable in a "What's going to go wrong?" way, you could see they were really nervous and it made for an interesting experience and Joey really proved that he is THE man, a very small man maybe but still THE man.

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Blink 182, Apple, Pixies, Morrissey, Zane Lowe, Reading/Leeds festival and ABBA...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn details of legal downloads that come at a price, the Pixies set list from the gig I went to, more quality song titles from Morrissey, the hot list according to Zane Lowe, details of the special guests at this years Reading/Leeds festivals and the death threat to a 70’s icon. But first up details of Blink 182’s tour of the UK.

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The guys at the rock show...

Those lovable funsters Blink 182 have announced that they are to play in the UK later this year. The trio have revealed that they are to do seven gigs around Britain at the end of November and the beginning of December.

The tour will hit the following venues:

November 30 - Birmingham NEC
December 01 - Glasgow SECC
December 02 - Newcastle Arena
December 03 - Manchester MEN
December 05 - London Wembley Arena
December 07 - Cardiff Arena
December 08 - Nottingham Arena

The San Diego lads have vowed to bring their whole production over including a huge light show and massive video screens. A bit more ‘showy’ than the kit they used at last years Leeds Festival which was basically a 30-foot high rig with the word “FUCK” spelled out in fireworks.

Bass player Mark Hoppus confirmed the inclusion of the extra equipment: "Last time we were over here we just took the basics over - just lights and sound. But this time we've got full production, video screens and stuff."

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You say you want a revolution...

After a long delay due to international law or something Europe will finally be getting access to Apple’s fabled iTunes online music store. It seems there will be an announcement in the middle of June confirming that the service will finally be available on our side of the Atlantic in the next few weeks.

For those of you who don’t know (where the fuck have you been living, under a rock?) iTunes is a kind of online version of HMV only without the artificially inflated prices and the acne-ridden staff milling about trying to do their best impression of looking busy as to not incur the wrath of some middle-aged manager going through ‘the change’.

Ahem...

User’s sign up, log in and then download all the tracks they want...for a price. Apple claims that it is a fair way for both the public and the record companies to get a bit of value for money. The punters get a song for around 99 cents while the poor, poor record companies finally get paid for an evil download.

So what is in it for Apple then? As they are the middlemen in this little arrangement they get a cut of any transaction. Now this might only be a few cents but as Depeche Mode sang before Dave Gahan became a mad smackhead #...everything counts in large amounts...#.

At its peak the computer giant sold 3.3 million downloads in a single week and flogged over 70 million in its first year. You don’t need to be Dr Stephen Hawking to work out that the company are raking it in from this little venture. But those figures are just from the USA, how much can they make in Europe?

No doubt the execs at Apple will keep a similar pricing system to that which they use in America at the moment so don’t be surprised to see tracks costing 99p when they launch this month. Instantly they are making around 25% more in Britain the shifty bastards. Oh but it gets better for the shareholders.

Did you know that the iPod is the only portable music player that is compatible with iTunes? So if you want to use the best online song store you will need to for out for a swanky new iPod. Prices for the sexiest thing in music since Kylie’s arse range from £250 up to £400.

Is it worth joining the latest revolution? Well that is up to you I suppose. What Apple is doing is letting you download songs legally using arguably the best digital jukebox and giving you the opportunity to listen to them on arguably the best digital music player...all at a price of course.

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It’s educational...

Last Friday I had the utter privilege of seeing the Pixies in London’s Brixton Academy. If you did catch them or will miss them at this summers festival then you really have missed out on what can only be described as an event.

Despite being a bit fatter than before (a LOT fatter in the case of Black Francis) and a little more lethargic than their early 90’s heyday they still fucking rocked! 28 songs in around an hour and three quarters, which included two encores. Live the dream!

There will be a review of the gig appearing here in the next few days but for now here is the full set-list for you to drool over:

'Bone Machine'
'Crackity Jones'
'River Euphrates'
'Wave Of Mutilation'
'Isla De Encanta'
'Monkey Gone To Heaven'
'I Bleed'
'Caribou'
'Cactus'
'Broken Face'
'Something Against You'
'Hey'
'No. 13 Baby'
'U Mass'
'Dead'
'Gigantic'
'Velouria'
'Ed Is Dead'
'In Heaven/'Where Is My Mind?'
'Mr Grieves'
'Here Comes Your Man'
'The Holiday Song'
'Vamos'

Encore:
'Into The White'
'Gouge Away'
'Debaser'
'Tame'

Encore 2:
'Planet Of Sound'

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Never disappointed...

Audio Truckstop favourite Morrissey has announced details of the next single to be taken off his new album ‘You Are The Quarry’. ‘First Of The Gang To Die’ will be the follow up to the top three hit ‘Irish Blood, English Heart’ and will be available on July 12 at all good record shops and countless bad ones too.

The Mozfather has given us some fantastic song titles and the B-sides (there are three) to ‘First Of The Gang To Die’ aren’t any different with one exception. ‘Mexico’ isn’t really that good but ‘Teenage Dad On His Estate’ and ‘My Life Is An Endless Succession Of People Saying Goodbye’ certainly are!

Other highlights include: ‘Hairdresser on Fire’, ‘Bengali In Platforms’, ‘November Spawned a Monster’, ‘The Last of the Famous International Playboys’, ‘There's a Place in Hell for Me and My Friends’, ‘The National Front Disco’, ‘We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful’, ‘You’re The One For Me Fatty’, ‘The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get’, ‘I’m Hated For Loving’ and ‘Satan Rejected My Soul’.

And some people claim he is miserable. Pffft...

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What is hot...

I like to use Zane Lowe as a bit of a musical barometer – I know there are people out there who would like to use him as something else ranging from a sex slave to food for a shoal of hungry piranhas.

I like the bloke and on the whole I like his taste in music. These are the choons he will be spinning on the wheels of steel at Radio 1 HQ over the next week or so:

Supergrass - 'Kiss Of Life'
J'Kwon - 'Tipsy'
Ash - 'Starcrossed'
Maurice & Noble - 'Hoochi Koochi'
The Futureheads - 'Decent Days & Nights'
The Zutons - 'Remember Me'
Methodman - 'Afterparty'
The Hives - 'Walk Idiot Walk'
Elite Force - 'Driving Me Crazy'
Modest Mouse - 'Float On'
Max Sedgely - 'Happy'
Secret Machines - 'Sad & Lonely'
InMe - 'Faster The Chase'
Linkin Park - 'Breaking The Habit'
!!! - 'Pardon My Freedom'
Hope Of the States - 'Good Horse Hymn'
The Distillers - 'Beat Your Heart Out'
Phoenix - 'Everything Is Everything'
Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster - 'I Could Be An Angle'
Phoenix - 'Run Run Run'
22-20s - 'Shoot Your Gun'
Goldie Lookin' Chain - 'Guns Don't Kill People'
DJ Zinc - 'Steppin Stones'
Do Me Bad Things - 'The Song Rides'
The Roots - 'Don't Say Nuthin'
Manhead - 'Birth, School, Work, Death'
Golden Virgins - 'Lights In Her Window'
The Walkmen - 'Little House Of Savages'

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Secret is safe with me...

You know that band on all the Reading/Leeds festival posters set to play between The Hives and Jurassic 5? Mysteriously billed as ‘Special Guests’? Yeah well it is The Distillers. Whoo-and indeed-hoo.

Brody Dalle’s lot are set to play Reading on August 27 and Leeds on the 28th after appearing at the recent Download festival at Donington Park. Also added to the line-up at Reading and Leeds is Modest Mouse who will appear on the Radio 1 Stage.

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Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A guard after midnight)...

You know the blonde one in ABBA? You would have wouldn’t you? Come on admit it! Anyway if you still want to you had better get a move on as someone has sent her a letter promising to make sure a reunion with the rest of the IKEA mob is impossible.

Blonde singer Agnetha Faltskog (the one that didn’t look like a bloke in drag) is shitting herself after receiving a “terrifying” letter in the post to her remote island hideaway near Stockholm. She is so scared that the singer is under 24-hour police guard.

Her manager Staffan Linde said: "Agnetha receives many letters every day, but this one was different and serious."

Hang on; she receives many letters a day? Why is she so hated? Have I missed something? Does she belong to some fundamentalist group? Does she do experiments on animals? Has she hoarded a cash of nuclear weapons over the years? Is she the cause of Third World debt? Answer me god-dammit!!!

Recluse Faltskog has been terrified of making public appearances for years and already has a live-in security team at her home on top of the police guard.

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