Britney Spears, Goldie Lookin' Chain, Alanis Morissette, Pop Beach and David Hasselhoff...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to find out details of Goldie Lookin’ Chain’s first world tour, a chance to get your hands on rare Alanis Morissette tracks, details of yet another mini-festival and some disturbing news in the world of rap. But first up would you pay five big ones for a night with Britney Spears?

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Born to make you happy...

How much would you pay to meet the lovely Britney Spears? $5,000? If the answer is ‘yes’ then you are in luck as the plastic pop princess is giving you the chance to get up close and personal in the name of ‘charidee’.

The Onyx Hotel in Boston is holding an auction for "The Ultimate Britney Experience" which includes the following:

• Two round-trip domestic airline tickets to Boston from anywhere in the United States.
• Two nights' stay at the Onyx Hotel (including one night as the first guests in the Britney Spears Foundation Room)
• Dinner for two in the hotel's Ruby Room
• Two front-row tickets to a June 23rd concert
• Round-trip limo service to and from the concert
• A backstage tour
• Two official concert T-shirts
• A basket containing Britney CDs and her favourite bath products
• An autographed photo of Spears
• Breakfast the morning after the concert
• A late check-out.

Hang on, the trip doesn’t include sex all night with the rebellious little mare so if I won I would drag the owners of the hotel through the courts under the Trades Description Act – that crap listed above does not constitute "The Ultimate Britney Experience" in my book I can tell you.

Luckily for the owners of the Onyx Hotel I have no intention of paying up to $5k in the off chance that Britney is up for a game of ‘hide the sausage’ so they should be ok.

The auction started on 15th May and runs until 11th June if you are interested with any funds raised going to underprivileged children. Bless her cotton socks...

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West side...

Welsh rap nutters Goldie Lookin’ Chain are set to embark on their first world tour – kinda. Despite calling it a world tour the reality is that they are playing a few gigs in Wales throughout June. Those lovable scamps!

There are a few reasons the Newport collective have decided to play exclusively in their own country (Glastonbury excluded), all of which sound blatantly made up but are funny none the less.

GLC spokesman Eggsy said: "The venues are all based in Wales, partly because we believe in giving our homeland the payback it deserves for supporting us so much, but mainly because Billy gets travel sick and none of us have the toll to cross the Severn Bridge anyway."

You can catch them here:

22 June - Bangor Hendree Hall
23 June - Wrexham Central Station
24 June - Pontypridd Muni Arts Centre
25 June - Swansea Patti Pavillion

You knows it!

News just in: GLC have confirmed they will be playing their only non-Welsh and non-Glastonbury show in the UK when they arrive in Liverpool on Monday 21st June. They will be appearing at The Masque Theatre with tickets costing £10.

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Live from down the alley...

If you are thinking of buying the new Alanis Morissette why not purchase it from the RealPlayer Music Store online? Why bother buying the mp3’s when you can just go out and get the CD from HMV? Well the over priced compact disc won’t contain any juicy extras for a kick off.

If you buy ‘So-Called Chaos’ from the Music Store in the next 30 days or so you will receive three songs from a choice of four live tracks Morissette recorded last month. The Canadian performed the songs for a new live concert series from RealNetworks called ‘Down the Alley’.

So what rarities do you get to choose from? How about the first single from the new album ‘Everything’? ‘Excuses’ is another track from So Called Chaos while also available is ‘Hands Clean’ from Under Rug Swept and ‘Ironic’ from Jagged Little Pill.

These versions are unavailable anywhere else so get them while you can...or just wait a few weeks and leech them from one of the various peer-2-peer networks out there that are killing the music industry before our very eyes according to the BPI.

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T beside the seaside...

News of yet another mini-festival. If you are in Great Yarmouth on 6th June you could bump into helmet-headed T4 presenter Vernon Kay and his trusty companion June Sarpong as they host ‘Pop Beach’. The all day event is being filmed for Channel 4 and will be broadcast live throughout the day.

Tickets cost £12.50 but for that you get to see some decent bands (as well as a load of shite to be perfectly honest). Confirmed so far are Ash, Supergrass and Goldfrapp. Unfortunately the likes of Big Brovaz, Blazin' Squad and Lemar will also be there.

To be honest I think they are charging too much considering the line up is pretty crap. Luckily you have the chance to win front of stage tickets by answering the ludicrously easy question on the official site .

Just think there is a chance of standing just a few feet away from Blazin’ Squad...surely even a blind flid couldn’t miss them from that close with a half a brick?

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Too much hassle...

Everyone has heard that former ‘Knight Rider’ and ‘Baywatch’ star David Hasselhoff is a big rock star in Germany but no-one has ever listened to any of his crap before and there is little chance of his back catalogue seeing the light of day on commercial radio or TV. His new stuff might though...

As unbelievable as it sounds ‘The Hoff’, with a bit of help from his next door neighbour, is all set to release, wait for it, a rap album! I shit you not! The neighbour who is going to help him knock out a bona fide hip-hop long player is none other than Ice-T.

You couldn’t make this shit up could you?

It seems that The Hoff and Ice-T have struck up a cosy relationship and now the legendary rapper has vowed to help the 51-year-old release his first motherfucking rap album son (sorry, Jay-Z’s ‘99 Problems’ was just on)...

Ice-T said: "The man is a legend. And we are going to show a whole new side of him.

"He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff - I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."

Watch out Eminem, there is a new white-boy on the scene...

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Blender magazines 50 worst songs of all time - reviewed by Audio Truckstop...

A recent article in Blender magazine listed what they considered to be the worst 50 songs of all time. Here at Audio Truckstop we pride ourselves on snatching content for nothing so we decided to see what three regular contributors, myself Kliffton Heights and Kos, thought of Blender’s choices.

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50 CÉLINE DION - “My Heart Will Go On” 1998

Kliffton: Unfortunately it hasn't stopped yet....

Kos: Yeah, absolutely awful, James Cameron, the man who gave us some of the most macho films EVER said he cried when he heard this song, was it cos he thought his mate Arnie would point and laugh at him for allowing such a POS song on his film? Still at least the vid had Kate Winslet in it...

Roo: I thought I liked this song until I realized it was utter crud.


49 RIGHT SAID FRED - “I’m Too Sexy” 1992

Kliffton: Even gay lads don't like this...

Kos: Meh, I guess it is annoying but I do have to say I liked ‘Deeply Dippy’, great song...

Roo: Quality comedy song that has a go at vapid catwalk models. All good...


48 THE BEATLES - “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” 1968

Kliffton: Eh? how can you hate Macca's ode to Molly Jo??? Lennon thought it was shite too...

Kos: *Shudder* The only way this could of been worse was allowing Ringo to sing it...

Roo: Not their finest moment...


47 BRYAN ADAMS - “The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You” 1996

Kliffton: Pity bout your skin Bri...

Kos: No ‘Summer of 69’ or ‘Run to You’ this (even the one he did with Coke Spice was better).

Roo: I disagree. I think that the only thing that would look good on you Mr. Adams is a 12-stone Rottweiler.


46 NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK - “Hangin’ Tough” 1989

Kliffton: Huh! Check out Donny! he one tough motherfucker from the projects...NOT!

Kos: No wonder I got more into metal at this period of time...

Roo: The template for a million boy bands – for this reason alone they deserve to get pissed on by The Grumbleweeds.


45 JA RULE FEAT. ASHANTI - “Mesmerize” 2002

Kliffton: Don’t know this.

Kos: Don’t know this.

Roo: Don’t know this.


44 MEAT LOAF - “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” 1993

Kliffton: Hahahahaha!

Kos: When I first went to Uni the lad in the room next to mine played it CONSTANTLY so I have a lot of bitterness towards this song, plus his room smelt like a litter tray...

Roo: I’ll tell you something you can do, bathe in battery acid you fat tit.


43 UNCLE KRACKER - “Follow Me” 2000

Kliffton: Don’t know this.

Kos: Kid Rock has a lot to answer for...

Roo: This tit was supposed to be part of Kid Rock’s “Detroit playas” which makes him sound kinda edgy and cool. Then you look a little deeper. He is called Uncle Kracker for fuxake and his song sounds like a lullaby. Oh yeah and I’m glad that midget croaked an all.


42 SIMON & GARFUNKEL - “The Sounds of Silence” 1965

Kliffton: I am being serious now - that’s outrageous - its a great song.

Kos: Yeah this song sucks also the midget world music freak was married to Carrie Fisher at the height of her self abuse powers, yet another reason to despise him...

Roo: No way! It reminds me of Woody Harrlson spewing after doing the nasty with his skanky landlady in the comedy masterpiece ‘Kingpin’. “There is something about good sex that makes me wanna crap – you really jarred something loose there Tiger!” *HURL*


41 BILLY JOEL - “We Didn’t Start the Fire” 1989

Kliffton: It’s a total rip off of REM's ‘End Of The World’ for a start off...

Kos: Umm, I quite like this one...

Roo: Apparently it only took him 10 minutes to write this – you can tell.


40 COLOR ME BADD - “I Wanna Sex You Up” 1991

Kliffton: What is being 'sexed up'?

Kos: Fond memories of being in 6th form and going on pub crawls down the dock road gawping at strippers who invariably danced to this. Totally gash song though, white boy soul *shudder*

Roo: Heh heh heh remember the video with the ‘Norman’ of the group trying to look all sexy despite having hair that looked like a bellend? Heh heh heh…


39 RICKY MARTIN - “She Bangs” 2000

Kliffton: What’s all that about???

Kos: Pity no one banged his lights out before he recorded this...

Roo: Why is it that when this and ‘La Vida Loca’ come on all the sun-bed worshiping beauts suddenly think that they can dance?


38 REDNEX - “Cotton Eye Joe” 1995

Kliffton: Hehehehe! Lovin’ it!

Kos: Makes you wish that Hitler had exterminated the ancestors of the people who produced this, best argument for ethnic cleansing ever...

Roo: Big, festering, pile of dog wank…


37 GERARDO - “Rico Suave” 1991

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: Huh???

Roo: Oh I remember this shite. Some taco munching cocklord trying to be 50% Fabio and 50% Barry White and turning out to be 100% crap.


36 MASTER P FEAT. SILKK, FIEND, MIA-X AND MYSTIKAL - “Make Em Say Uhh!” 1998

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: See above.

Roo: Que?


35 R.E.M. - “Shiny Happy People” 1991

Kliffton: Fuck off! It only gets bad press cos Dennis Leary didn't get it. Dickhead...

Kos: "Hey, hey, hey, I represent angry, meat eating people, lets pull over right now Mike so I can give you a good shake..."

Roo: Where they trying to be ironic?


34 DAN FOGELBERG - “Longer” 1979

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: Don't think I've heard this...

Roo: New to me.


33 AQUA - “Barbie Girl” 1997

Kliffton: "Life in plastic, its fantastic" - That line stops this song being poo

Kos: At least the girl was quite fit, specially after you cut her vocal chords out...

Roo: I like this song because it is a post ironic statemen...nah, I like it because the bird in the video would get it.


32 WILL SMITH - “Will 2K” 1999

Kliffton: Awful.

Kos: No feelings either way...

Roo: Can’t be any worse than that aural enema ‘Wild Wild West’?


31 CRASH TEST DUMMIES - “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” 1994

Kliffton: I kinda liked it

Kos: How about "Smack kick gouge punch"

Roo: This is quality!!!


30 WHITNEY HOUSTON - “Greatest Love Of All” 1986

Kliffton: Reminds me of ‘slowies’ at school so I'm fond of it...

Kos: Gotta be better than the smacked up, Bobby Brown beaten version we have to put up with at the minute.

Roo: Gut-wrenchingly grim.


29 DEEP BLUE SOMETHING - “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” 1995

Kliffton: Should have been no.1.

Kos: Didn't mind it to begin with but constant rotation on VH1 has made me twitch when it comes on.

Roo: I like this despite the crap lyrics.


28 JOHN MAYER - “Your Body is a Wonderland” 2001

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha????

Roo: Who?


27 EUROPE - “The Final Countdown” 1987

Kliffton: Fuck off! Its ace!

Kos: Any song that gets to rhyme ‘Venus’ with ‘meet us’ deserves a slap, I have to admit I liked the song Carrie though...

Roo: Every nerve and sinew in my body detests this song...


26 THE DOORS - “The End” 1967

Kliffton: So is this!

Kos: Big fat sweaty guy dead in a bath, I HATE the Doors and their stupid Hammond organ.

Roo: This track is unbelievably good. Fucking heathens...


25 PUFF DADDY FEAT. FAITH EVANS AND 112 - “I’ll Be Missing You” 1997
Kliffton: Not very good at all...

Kos: Yet another reason for Sting to get a smack in the face also you had to see Puff Daddy dance like the spacker being shot through electricity he is.

Roo: Hmmm, your mate dies what should you do? If you are ‘Poofy’ you do a song apparently in his honor and then rake in millions of dollars! Oh yeah, and the ‘tribute’ kick starts your career again. They might not fall for it though. Ah ha! How about dragging his ex-girlfriend into it just to pull those heart strings a bit more? What a horrible cunt.


24 FIVE FOR FIGHTING - “Superman” 2000

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha???

Roo: Must be a yank thing...


23 COREY HART - “Sunglasses At Night” 1984

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Huh???

Roo: Doesn’t ring any bells.


22 TOBY KEITH - “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” 2002

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Yer wha????

Roo: Nope...


21 SPIN DOCTORS - “Two Princes” 1992

Kliffton: Heh! That band fronted by ‘Cat weasel’ - student fave...I fuckin' hate it!

Kos: Fond memories of staggering around student night in Bolton, I like this, sorry...

Roo: The singer deserves to be found in a pool of his own piss with all his extremities cut off for singing "Dit-dit-dit! Dit-dit-dit-a-dobba-dobba-dobba dobba!" Grrr...


20 LIONEL RICHIE - “Dancing On The Ceiling” 1986

Kliffton: No way!

Kos: Better than dancing in divorce court huh?

Roo: That is a good song!


19 MR. MISTER - “Broken Wings” 1985

Kliffton: Quite like it.

Kos: Middle class angst at it's worst.

Roo: Another of those ‘only available from K-Tel’ compilation fillers, Gash...


18 CHICAGO - “You’re the Inspiration” 1984

Kliffton: Dunno.

Kos: Middle class sports team support at it's worst.

Roo: I want to grind glass into his eyes for this.


17 HAMMER - “Pumps and a Bump” 1994

Kliffton: Totally...Hammertime!

Kos: Middle class hip hop at it's worst.

Roo: Never heard of it.


16 4 NON BLONDES - “What’s Up?” 1993

Kliffton: Hate this! Bet Kos likes it!

Kos: Middle class alt rock at it's worst. I despise this song, with it's stupid lyrics, it's stupid vocals, it's stupid hat and hair in the video and that bloody woman somehow got a career writing songs for Pink. It's like God's laughing at me.

Roo: Bit of a none event for me – it just kinda exists.


15 THE REMBRANDTS - “I’ll Be There For You” 1995

Kliffton: Doh!

Kos: Middle class pop rock at it's worst. I actually like Friends and this song, I know they're annoying but what are you going to do?

Roo: Hate Friends. Hate this song. Hate the Rembrandts.


14 BETTE MIDLER - “From a Distance” 1990

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Middle class lounge songs at it's worst. Bette Midler's bad enough as a singer without having a film career.

Roo: The bit where she howls ‘FLYYYYYYY’ near the end out of tune cracks me up every time!!!


13 GENESIS - “Illegal Alien” 1983

Kliffton: Genesis are shit...

Kos: Middle class bollocks at it's worst.

Roo: Cringe-worthy toss.


12 THE BEACH BOYS - “Kokomo” 1988

Kliffton: Not that bad!

Kos: Middle class surf music at it's worst. Should've been called "Kaka"

Roo: Never been a fan – this track just backs up my suspicion that the Beach Boys are one of the most over-rated bands of all time.


11 CLAY AIKEN - “Invisible” 2003

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha????

Roo: Never heard of it.


10 PAUL McCARTNEY AND STEVIE WONDER - “Ebony and Ivory” 1982

Kliffton: A classic - that’s well out of order!

Kos: Middle class guilt at it's worst. Mark Chapman should of taken out McCartney, think of the good he would of done the world, no ‘Frog Song’, no one else getting ripped off over royalties ‘The Mull of pigging Kintyre’ and one legged girls would be safe, single but safe...

Roo: These two are trying to make a very valid political point and therefore if you don’t like the song you are a Nazi...or there is nothing wrong with your hearing.


9 MADONNA - “American Life” 2003

Kliffton: Ha! That’s really bad.

Kos: Awful song possibly only bettered by American Pie which would be my all time worst song.

Roo: Fucking crap, simple as.


8 EDDIE MURPHY - “Party All the Time” 1985

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Not heard this, I like Eddie Murphy though.

Roo: Only heard this for the first time the other week. Bit of a novelty record and therefore it is supposed to be crap isn’t it?


7 BOBBY McFERRIN - “Don’t Worry Be Happy” 1988

Kliffton: "He is a genius" - My Dad - 1988

Kos: THIS IS AWFUL WITH IT'S STUPID LIFE'LL BE OK IF YOU SMILE BOLLOCKS!!!

Roo: #"Here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note..."# Erm, do you mind if I don’t you inane fucknugget?


6 HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS - “The Heart Of Rock & Roll” 1984

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Never heard it, I like Huey Lewis though so it's probably not THAT bad

Roo: New to me.


5 VANILLA ICE - “Ice Ice Baby” 1990

Kliffton: Oh yeah!

Kos: Toss...

Roo: He came, he released one record, he disappeared off the face of the earth. Personally I think he was around for WAY too long...


4 LIMPBIZKIT - “Rollin’” 2000

Kliffton: Danced to that too many times to comment!

Kos: After 4 months of constant playing in Sloans I hated this song and feel physically sick when I hear it now. Stupid pigging dance too.

Roo: The song that transformed the band from gobshites to world famous gobshites.


3 WANG CHUNG - “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” 1986

Kliffton: Christ...that’s awful!

Kos: Not THAT bad.

Roo: A bit high in this list methinks.


2 BILLY RAY CYRUS - “Achy Breaky Heart” 1992

Kliffton: A GENUINE TOP 10 WORST SONG EVER!!!

Kos: The red neck cracker spawn of Satan, he had women breaking their pelvises as they opened their legs for him and his stupid mullet and I can't get laid?????

Roo: Any song that helps proliferate line dancing should be destroyed immediately – sooner ideally. This is pure evil.


1 STARSHIP - “We Built This City” 1985

Kliffton: Harsh...

Kos: Stupid hippies singing a retarded song about gash. Still think American Pie's worse though.

Roo: Bollocks, this is class!!!


Coming soon: The Audio Truckstop top 50 crappest songs of all time!

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Tatu, Perry Farrell, Morrissey, Zane Lowe, the most played records of the last 70 years, Pete Doherty and Ryan Adams...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to find out what Perry Farrell has planned for the UK, the world according to Morrissey, more air time for Zane Lowe, the most played records of the last 70 years, Pete Doherty’s rehab adventures and Ryan Adams cover version release. But first up are those school uniform clad kipper lickers Tatu.

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Not gonna get us...up the duff – oh yes they are!

Wouldn’t you just love to shag the muff off those Tatu bints? Well some lucky sod actually has – well one of them anyway. Julia Volkova ( the dark haired elfin looking one ) has got knocked up despite claiming that she has quit the sausage and become a vaginatarian.

The 19-year-old cock-tease has announced that she is pregnant and that the baby is due sometime at the end of the summer. The father is Volkova’s long-term boyfriend, and martial arts expert, Pasha Sidorov.

The happy couple are no doubt excited about the impending birth of their child and will certainly be looking forward to living together to help bring love and stability into the little comrade’s life. Awww, isn’t that nice?

Well not if you are Sidorov’s the wife it isn’t. Turns out that the beau is already married and has a daughter. Oops.

But at the end of the day he did get the chance to wallop this camel-toed , pseudo-dyke, nympho-ruskie with an even chance that her band-mate, Lena Katina, would join in for a fantasy manage-a-troi so it isn’t all bad news...

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Lolla, lolla bollocks...surprise surprise!

According to Jane’s Addiction anorexic looking frontman Perry Farrell the Lollapalooza festival could be making its way across the Atlantic to dear old Blighty. Yeah right, who are you trying to kid Skelator?

There have been rumours for years that the festival will make its debut in the UK but it looks like this time it might actually happen. It seems that Farrell has finally got off his bony arse and has been in contact with some interested parties about getting it into a field near you.

Farrell said: "I’m starting to begin to speak to people in the UK. I’m not going to rush it because I want to [bring it over], I’m going to do it because all of a sudden the universe will open up and say, ‘Go over there now! You should go there.’

"I just have to go slow. You gotta catch a rhythm. With music, it’s funny; people will ask me a lot of questions about putting on festivals. What they don’t realise is you’re out there in the universe and music’s out there in the universe and you have to hope that the music and you cross paths.

"With going over to Europe, I just want to make sure that when we go, I’ve got a wonderful line-up and I have the time to do it."

Appearing at this years festival are: Morrissey, Pixies, Sonic Youth, PJ Harvey, The Flaming Lips, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Modest Mouse, The Von Bondies, Polyphonic Spree, The Thrills, The Datsuns, The Walkmen and Elbow to name but a load.

Farrell reckons that if he ever does land on these shores with his musical zoo he will bring with him an equally good line-up. We’ll see...

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World WILL listen…

Sound bite (noun): a very short speech; usually on radio or television. Our old friend Morrissey has been using the sound bite a lot in the last few days as he goes about his merry way promoting his new single and album.

‘Irish Blood, English Heart’ has rocketed up the UK singles chart this week reaching the dizzying heights of number 3, an all time high for the ‘pope of mope’. The song is the first to be taken from his new album ‘You Are The Quarry’ which was released in Britain on Monday.

Moz has been in papers and magazines recently sharing with the world his views on the likes of hip hop music, David Bowie and Britney Spears. Is it a surprise to learn he doesn’t have a good word to say about any of them?

The former Smiths frontman was explaining to French magazine ‘Les Inrockuptibles’ that he doesn’t bother listening to the radio anymore because there is so much crap played, including a load from the biggest selling genre in the world at the moment...

Morrissey said: "I don't want to inflict any pain on myself. For instance, hip-hop remains a great mystery to me. I wish that somebody could explain it to me."

Then there was the interview in ‘GQ’ magazine where he labelled David Bowie ‘showie’ and claimed he was a ‘business’ amongst other things.

"[He is] not the person he was. He is no longer David Bowie at all.

"Now he gives people what he thinks will make them happy, and they're yawning their heads off. And by doing that, he is not relevant. He was only relevant by accident."

Finally in an interview with the ‘New York Post’ the 45-year-old rounded on the dearth of manufactured music doing the rounds and in particular ‘Pop Idol’ and Britney Spears.

"'Idol' is an easy target, as [the contestants] are really just very simple children who are manipulated by truly awful grown-up people

"But I certainly think Britney Spears is the devil. The way she projects herself and the fact that she is so obviously vacuous. I think it's such a shame that she became so influential to very small children."

Nice to see that our favourite middle-aged Mancunian has mellowed with age!

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How Lowe can you go?

Radio 1 controller Andy Parfitt could be putting a bit more work the way of Zane Lowe if he gets his way. Parfitt reckons he is going to give the people more of what they want and he reckons they want more alternative music. Whoohoo!

Parfitt said: "All of those shows appeal to particular musical communities, I'm really pleased that they have credibility within these specific communities, but I think the job of Radio 1 - given that we are a national broadcaster - is that we can't just preach to the converted.

"What I'm talking about is trying to arrange the universe of Radio 1 specialists in such a way that it matches people's lifestyles and moods. Frankly, there will always be some compromises because there are a limited number of slots and everyone would like more time."

Erm, yeah...what the man said. Anyway the Kiwi presenter could be on air for 12 hours a week in the near future, you have been warned.

While we are here this is Lowe’s most recent play list for his show on Radio 1:

Kanye West - 'All Fall's Down'
Slipknot - 'Duality'
Mark B - 'Move Now'
The Zutons - 'Remember Me'
Maurice And Noble - 'Hoochi Koochi'
The Streets - 'Dry Your Eyes'
Inme - 'Faster The Chase'
High Contrast - 'Twilight's Last Gleaming'
The Cribs - 'What About Me'
TV On The Radio - 'Staring At The Sun'
Elite Force - 'Driving Me Crazy'
Reuben - 'Freddy Kreuger'
Portishead - 'Glorybox'
The Vines - 'Winning Days'
Methodman - 'Afterparty Feat Ghostface Killah'
The Verra Cruz - 'Soul Collides'
Charlotte Hather'y - 'Kim Wilde'
Fights - 'One For The Night'
Nightbreed - 'Pack Of Wolves'
The Killers - 'Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine'
Avril - 'Be Yourself'

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70 years on...and on...and on...

Don’t you just love lists and stats? No? Sod yer then because I do. Anyway Phonographic Performance Ltd has announced the most played record of the last 70 years by collating data from radio, club, shop and jukebox plays from 1957 until 1994 (I don’t know why it only goes up to’94 before you ask).

The top ten looks like this:

10. The Beatles ‘Get Back’
9. The Beatles ‘Hello Goodbye’
8. Rod Stewart ‘Maggie May’
7. Elvis Presley ‘All Shook Up’
6. Abba ‘Dancing Queen’
5. Bryan Adams ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It For You’
4. The Everly Brothers ‘All I Have To Do Is Dream’/’Claudette’
3. Wet Wet Wet ‘Love Is All Around’
2. Queen ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’
1. Procul Harum ‘A Whiter Shade Of Pale’

Christ on a bike there is some shite there...

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What a waster...

The Libertines lead singer Pete Doherty has been sent to London’s ‘Priory’ clinic in an attempt to get off drugs before the release of the bands new album. The singer was shipped off last week and has been keeping fans updated on his progress via his website .

Doherty wrote: "I'm fine...they've whacked me on loads of medication. 16 different colours [of] pills like hundreds of thousands or bassets jelly babies.

"Very deranged and murky recollection of the last few days. A gaggle of nurses around my crinkly bed, they all jump as I wake up and yelp something about jelly. Then I notice a needle sticking out of my arm and spots of blood. What the fuck is going on? Vomit and shrieks, some girl warbling down the corridor in a towel. At least my laptop is here still. The only one who ever stood by me."

Recently the former jailbird has claimed that he is on ‘suicide watch’ at the facility because the nurses found some old marks on his body.

"Evidence of self-harm upon my skinny person but nothing could be further from my mind as I awake brighter tailed and bushier eyed than I have done for many a year. Yes children the deliriums and caterwauling’s are giving in to, well, Peter Doherty, whoever the fuck that may be," he added.

"Today I'm definitely steadier on my feet and shall have a little exploration of this clean place which is probably full of celebrities in towelling robes. Enough to make anyone give up crack and smack. Might even try a few press-ups...er, yeah 17 should suffice for now. NURSE! Where’s my apple juice and coffee and biscuit like on the poster?"

The new album should be out later this summer...just like Doherty.

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Maybe, you’re gonna be the one to save me...

One of my favourite cover versions ever is going to be released later next month as a stand alone single. Personally I think that the Ryan Adams version of Oasis’ 1995 classic ‘Wonderwall’ is better than the original and I’m not alone, Noel Gallagher agrees with me!

Gallagher said:"I went to see Ryan Adams in Manchester. So he's playing away and he just does 'Wonderwall' right in the middle of the set.

The fucking place went silent. It was so beautiful. I was just like, 'Fucking Jesus Christ what a fucking song!' Afterwards, I told him, 'You can have that song, man, because we could never quite get it right.'"

If you haven’t heard it go out and find it. It was originally released on Adams’ EP ‘Love Is Hell, Pt. 1’ which came out in November 2003 and then featured on the full album of almost the same name which appeared this month.

If you don’t fancy buying either of those two then you have a couple of options. You can wait until 28th June when the song is released through Mercury/Lost Highway Records...or you can fire up your favourite peer-to-peer software and just download it. Nah, buy it – Adams looks like he needs the cash...

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Rant! A Pilgrim’s Tale by Klifton Heights - This week: crap bands from Liverpool...

Jeeeeeesus...tell you what, I live in a city in the north of England that was the centre of the ‘Merseybeat’ boom in the 60’s then spawned the mighty Eric’s scene in the punk years and now has produced...The Bandits.

Apparently we’ve always been cutting edge here in my Liverpool home. Not since I’ve been a gig going punter we haven’t. The vast majority of greatness to come out of Cilla’s hometown has largely been ignored for easy to market ‘Scouso-Rock-Lite’. Not convinced? Lets have a run down of the last twenty years or so…

Pele (late 80’s early 90’s)
Oops! Bit like Deacon Blue...but not as good.

The Real People (late 80’s – present day)
All the skill but it went a bit wrong. Really good live in the early days but recorded output never captured it. Partially rescued when Cher made them a fortune...still live in Bootle.

Space (early - mid 90’s)
Oooh those lovable Scouse loonies going on about neighbourhoods...NEXT! Well, apart from Female Of The Species...that was boss!

Cast (mid 90’s)
From the ashes of The La’s came a band that was nowhere near as good.

The Tambourines (early – mid 90’s)
Funny little band this...actually they weren’t funny at all, just shit.

Gomez (mid 90’s - present)
Students who played ‘the blues’ or something...

Mansun (mid 90’s)
Yeah yeah...from Chester...whatever...sounded like a crap Tears For Fears tribute band from Liverpool.

The Coral (noughties – present)
Bad haircuts and too many songs about ‘the feelin’ and ‘skeleton keys??’ Totally un-offensive and sooo boring it hurts.

Kings Of Infinite Space (mid 90’s)
So bad it hurt.

Here’s some of the gems that were ignored:

Mr Rays Wig World – highly thought of and dead, dead good...split up.

Gluebound – got signed and everything! Great front man but nothing else.

Pure Morning – smart Velvets style band but happily became Clinic and got somewhere!

The Stairs – how many smiles did this band generate – thousands (but not quids).

DBH - Scousecore from the true Liverpool underground – Ice-T was a big fan! (FACT).

So, what have we learnt today? Yep, most bands from the ‘Pool’ have been shite apart from some that no one cared about anyway. Ah well, I’m off to listen to me signed OMD picture disc...

#‘Because I'm so in awe of you, that I don't know what to do, and I'm sailing on the seven seas so blue...’#

Tune in next week for more RANT!

Sir Paul McCartney, The Who, free festival, Michael Moore, Franz Ferdinand and Gareth Gates...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on for details of a special Who DVD, news of a free festival in the North East of England that might actually be worth going to, Michael Moore’s latest war with ‘the man’, Franz Ferdinand proving they are the hardest band on the circuit right now and Gareth Gates passing an extraordinary exam. But first up who’d have thought that Sir Paul McCartney would be a noisy neighbour?

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Listen To What The Man Said Paul...

They seem to have finally found a use for the Millennium Dome – the world’s biggest rehearsal room. Good news if you are Sir Paul McCartney bad news if you live in close proximity to the site. Actually it turns out that it is bad news even if you live some distance away.

Environmental Health officers in the London Borough of Tower Hamlets received an angry call from resident Eric Pemberton complaining about a racket he could hear that was upsetting his cat(!). It turned out that the noise was coming from The Dome which sits across the River Thames in the district of Greenwich.

Pemberton said: "I thought someone was listening to a ghettoblaster in one of the other flats. I had the windows closed and the front door just open enough to let the cat in and out. It took me a while to realize that this bass was coming from the Dome on the other side of the river

"I rang up the environmental health officers at the council and they told me 'It's Paul McCartney,' I said 'So what? He doesn't pay my (taxes), and if it was me that was doing this I would have been prosecuted.'

"I thought it was quite unacceptable and even my cat was disturbed."

McCartney's spokesman told Press Association: "We love animals and so we're sorry about Mr. Pemberton's cat."

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Deaf, Dumb and Blind...

Fan’s of the rock opera ‘Tommy’ can buy the remastered version on DVD come 14th June. The film was made in 1975 and starred The Who’s lead singer Roger Daltry as ‘the deaf, dumb and blind kid’ who ‘sure plays a mean pinball’. Quite.

Despite to crap subject matter the film is actually pretty good I reckon. It features cameos from Elton John and Tina Turner as well as the fantastic soundtrack (obviously) which can now be enjoyed that bit more as it has been completely remastered for your pleasure.

But wait, there is more! Also bundled with the film is a bonus disc featuring interviews with surviving members Pete Townshend and Daltry, plus director Ken Russell.

This package is surely a must for all the fans out there and a kooky Christmas present for that strange cousin you have who claims he is into his music.

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Free Festival For All...

There will be a free mini-festival taking place in Teeside at the end of the month and it is actually worth going to. Over 100 bands are set to take the stage at the snappily titled Middlesbrough Music Live festival and a fair number of them are good!

If you turn up on 31st May you can catch the likes of Electric Six, Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster and The Ordinary Boys. If you like the look of that trio and fancy nabbing a good spec you are advised to get there early as last years event attracted around 30,000 people.

Not fussed about the line-up so far? OK, what about this lot: Dogs Die In Hot Cars, The Glitterati, Bloc Party, Kasabian, Razorlight, Kosheen, The Features, The Dead 60’s, The Open, My Red Cell and demented Welsh bastards Goldie Lookin’ Chain.

Still not satisfied? Then why don’t you get in touch with the organisers and tell them who you want to see? No seriously...

Festival promoter Graham Ramsay said: "Every year, a huge number of the bands we book come from suggestions from the public...we’d love people to e-mail and tell us who they want to see, and we’ll do our best to book the most popular suggestions."

Visit the official website for details.

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Nothing Dodgy for Walt...


Controversy seems to follow Michael Moore like the smell of pissy biscuits follows elderly women on public transport and his latest film is no different. ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’ is an unashamed attack on American President George W. Bush which is why the film-maker is having trouble getting the picture distributed.

Miramax were going to bring the film to the big screen but their parent company Walt Disney Co. are having none of it. Apparently Disney have reservations over being associated with anything dodgy (yet auld Walt himself had his head cryogenically frozen and their theme parks feature grown men in mouse suits hugging small children – hmmm).

To be fair I can understand why they may want to distance themselves from the film as it rips President Bush for the way he handled the September 11 terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. Oh and Moore manages to connect the Bush’s with Osama bin Laden's family. Nicely done.

So it looks like the film is going to be shelved...well it did until Bob Weinstein and Harvey Weinstein decided to buy the film from Miramax and then get a third-party to distribute it.

A recent statement, Miramax said: "We're very happy that Disney has agreed to sell 'Fahrenheit 9/11' to Bob and Harvey. Bob and Harvey look forward to promptly completing this transaction."

So we finally get to see if Moore can convince us that Dubbya is a cunt. Yeah right, like any of us need convincing?

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Take me out(side)...

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who are the hardest indie band of them all? Right now Franz Ferdinand have got to be up there after they took on the might of Eminem’s heavies. Turns out that the skinny Glaswegians aren’t as feeble as they look.

It is reported that FF frontman Alex Kapranos was urged to move along by one of Marshall’s bodyguards as the bottle blond rapper was rehearsing for a TV appearance on German channel RTL. Kapranos then naturally inquired on whose authority he was being ordered to leave before a scuffle broke out.

Kapranos said: "I walked past a chink in the curtain and Eminem was doing his rehearsal. This bouncer went. 'Hey you, keep walking', or something like that. Because of the attitude he had, I said, 'Say's who?' And this 28-stone guy is like, 'Says me'. Then it was such a like comedy moment.

"He came lumbering toward me like those old kind of wrestlers and we kind of collided and I thought I was going to go flying, but I just ended up being enveloped by all this flab. And then we just parted gently.

"Next thing, everybody round me just went nuts and I think Glen (Franz tour manager) knocked his hat off and Nick punched him in the face and then all these like security guys came and pulled him away. It was like school or something."

So there you have it, 28-stone bouncer or not the message is clear; don’t fuck with those skinny art-school types from Glasgow – they are fucking nails mate...

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C-C-C-Congratulations...

Sometimes quality content for this little blog is a little difficult to find, other times the thing seems to write itself. Everyone likes an easy ride so imagine my delight when I read today that stuttering fuck Gareth Gates has passed exams to become...wait for it...a qualified speech therapist! There is a God...

Gates shot to fame when he came second in dubious talent show Pop Idol two years ago. He pulled the heartstrings of grannies and housewives across the country with his ‘little boy lost’ grid and his inability to complete a sentence when he was nervous.

At the time many believed that the stutter was just a big act...many more, myself included, didn’t give a shit.

But now the 19-year-old has overcome his stutter and is now qualified to help others less fortunate than himself.

Apparently he has been using something called the Maguire speech improvement programme which teaches people how to use breathing techniques to cure speech problems. It is unknown at this time whether the same techniques can be used to get rid of hiccups.

Gates said: "I am r-r-r-really chuffed I will be able to t-t-t-teach, as it helped me so m-m-m-much."

Nah, he didn’t stutter but it is a nice cheap shot!

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Eminem, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Who, George Michael, Suede and the Cowboy Junkies...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about Black Rebel Motorcycle Club doing the unimaginable, The Who on their way to the four corners of the globe, George Michael in car crash drama, the return of Suede kinda sorta and a new album from the Cowboy Junkies complete with a few limited edition extras. But first up it is Eminem spitting the dummy a bit...

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Still Doin’ It...

Eminem is famous for the cutting ‘disses’ that littler his pop records and with a new album coming out there are bound to be a few more stars feeling the wrath of Marshall. Early contenders for a bit of a rip are surprisingly the Beastie Boys who have just completed their sixth album ‘To The 5 Boroughs’.

It seems the peroxide ponce didn’t see the funny side of an in joke between the New York trio. Eminem went to show his respect to the groundbreaking rappers after an appearance on MTV and the lads laughed in his face although the Beastie’s are quick to explain that it was all a bit of a mix-up.

Adam Yauch said: "It was actually funny, ‘cause there was a little misunderstanding when he came to the dressing room because we’d been joking around, saying that we should have called our album Still Doin’ It, Huh? and we kept on saying that.

“And so, when Eminem came into our dressing room, he was like, ‘Yo, what’s up, just wanted to say what’s up to everybody‚’ and we shook his hand and stuff. And then he said to us, like, ‘Still doin’ it, man, still doin’ it.’ And we all just burst out laughing. He kind of looked puzzled and walked out."

So was Slim Shady pissed as the Americans would say?

"Nah, I don’t think he… it wasn’t that big of a deal," says Mike D. "He must have a sense of humour..."

Mathers has got form for trying to get the last word, over the last five years he has ripped the likes of Moby, Christina Aguilera, Everlast, Britney Spears, Pet Shop Boys, Limp Bizkit, Pamela Lee (twice), P. Diddy, Insane Clown Posse, Norah Jones, Ja Rule and Christopher Reeve (three times).

Even his mother doesn't like him...

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No Virgins...

After months of struggle Black Rebel Motorcycle Club have finally managed to split from their record company Virgin. The miserable rockers are delighted to be free and claim that despite the arguments they are thankful that the label let them go without putting up too much of a fight.

BRMC’s singer and bass player Robert Turner said: "To be honest we just felt they’d given up on our record. They only let us really put out one single in the States and we know our album had a lot more to give than that.

“There’s a lot of little things, but that, far beyond anything - it’s just not justified for any reason. It’s just not having the heart, they didn’t have the heart for it and that’s not where we want to be.

"I can’t say we were at odds ends or anything. We’re both just happy to be done with it. I think we did enough damage inside their walls and they did the same to us.

"The coolest thing they did was be good enough to let us go and not hold us down for no reason, which is what most of ‘em can do and will do."

So what does the future hold for the Men in Black?

"We want to try and do something where we make our records and videos, and structure [things] in a way where we have more control of that and then letting someone else get behind it because they’re genuinely excited about it,” added Turner.

“If that means licensing it only or distributing it then that would be a better way. We’re really kind of confused because all of a sudden we’re getting a lot of people offering us things and as soon as you have too many options you start questioning everything."

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Behind (old) blue eyes...

Despite being around since the Victorian age The Who will be on tour around the globe this summer...well the two remaining members are anyway. Pete Townshend and Roger Daltry (who have a combined age of 183 incidentally) will be playing in England, Japan, Australia and the USA.

Since Keith Moon and Jon Entwistle are no longer of this mortal coil replacements had to be drafted in (unless they were going to do some sort of MTV Unplugged thing in front of hundreds of thousands of people I suppose). As well as helping out with Oasis at Glastonbury this summer, Zak Starkey will again be teaming up with The Who.

Joining the son of Ringo Starr will be respected bassist Pino Palladino and keyboardist John "Rabbit" Bundrick to complete the line up.

The band will headline the Isle of Wight festival on 12th June before travelling to Japan and then onto Australia for their first appearance since 1968 (they were allegedly told by the then Prime Minister of Oz, John Gorton, not to bother coming back or he would “...knock their flamin’ blocks off...” after a rowdy plane flight).

If they don’t get sent to a Tasmanian penal colony for their crimes 36 years ago the band will then travel to the west coast of America for a couple more gigs. Here is a list of The Who's confirmed tour dates so far:

June 12: Isle Of Wight, England (Isle Of Wight Festival)
July 24: Yokohama, Japan (Yokohama Festival)
July 26: Osaka, Japan (Osaka Festival)
July 28-29: Sydney (Sydney Entertainment Centre)
July 31-Aug. 1-2: Melbourne (Vodafone Arena)
Aug. 4: Sydney (Sydney Entertainment Centre)
Aug. 7: Mountain View, Calif. (Shoreline Amphitheatre)
Aug. 9: Los Angeles (Hollywood Bowl)

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(Should’ve turned a) different corner...

Everyone’s favourite pop Greek, George Michael will no doubt be sitting at home with a sugary cup of tea trying to calm his nerves after totally destroying his swanky German sports car the other day.

It is reported that the talented member of Wham! (although saying that ‘Son Of Albert’ by Andrew Ridgeley had its moments – ahem) managed to crash his £34,000 BMW Z4 into railings on the A40 dual carriageway in Acton west London yesterday.

Luckily those lovable krauts know a thing or two about manufacturing cars which is why the 40-year-old multi-millionaire escaped serious injury. It seems massive airbags went off inside the vehicle which saved Mr. Michael – looks like Geri Halliwell has piled on the pounds again then (*barum-tish*...I’m here all week, bring yer kids!)

A friend of the singer (sufficiently vague enough for me) said: "George was very shaken, but amazingly he somehow escaped unhurt.

"The car was a write-off and had to be taken away. George had to call a taxi to take him to where he was going."

A taxi eh? Rich bastard!

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Trash...

The long wait for new material from the artists formerly known as Suede may be coming to an end according to front man Brett Anderson. It will be a veritable time warp back to the early 90’s as Anderson has confirmed he has been writing with former bandmate Bernard Butler.

The pair went their separate ways ten years ago when they fell out over a missing eye-liner pen or something during the recording of the bands second album ‘Dog Man Star’ but now they are back together and writing more classic shoe-gazing material no doubt.

Anderson said: "I know there has been a lot of speculation and rumour about precisely what I'm up to so I thought I'd set the record straight.

"Firstly I can confirm that me and Bernard are working together again. We've written about 15 songs so far and even though it's early days I can honestly say that I believe the work to be up there with some of the best things we've ever done.

"We have been rehearsing with a drummer and a bass player who will be part of our new band. I can't tell you what we will be called yet but it will not be Suede or Anderson and Butler. We'll be entering a London studio to start recording in June so I'm hoping that you will hear something early next year."

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All new common disaster...

Is your life going spookily well? Are you too happy? Do you need something to bring you back down to earth? Well you are in luck as the Cowboy Junkies will be releasing their new album in the next few weeks just for all you giddy, giddy folk out there. Hang on, that hasn’t just made you a bit happier has it? Shite...

‘One Soul Now’ is to be released on 31st May with a limited number being bundled with a five track EP entitled ‘Neath Your Covers, Part 1’ featuring versions of Neil Young's ‘Helpless’, The Cure's ‘17 Seconds’, Bruce Springsteen's ‘Thunder Road’, Townes Van Zandt's ‘Lungs’ and The Youngbloods' ‘Darkness, Darkness’.

Also available will be a CD-ROM called ‘Anatomy Of An Album’, which was created as a companion piece to the long player. Apparently the disc will take you ‘behind the scenes’ of the writing and recording of each song on the new CD and will include photos, lyric drafts, commentary and over 90 minutes of music (demos, song writing sketches, etc.).

Sounds pretty good eh? The bad news is that it can only be purchased in North America through the official Cowboy Junkies website . Arse. Wanna catch them live? Check them out at one of the following high class venues in the next few weeks:

Long Journey Home Tour 2004

May 27, 2004 - Revival Bar, Toronto, Canada
June 1, 2004 - Vicar Street, Dublin, Ireland
June 2, 2004 - Shepherds Bush Empire, London, England
June 3, 2004 - Ancienne Belgique, Brussels, Belgium
June 4, 2004 - Dreikonigs Kirche, Frankfurt, Germany
June 6, 2004 - Passion Kirche, Berlin, Germany
June 7, 2004 - Paradiso, Amsterdam, NL

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Jim Morrison, Nine Inch Nails, Oasis, Mick Jones, Zane Lowe, 50 Cent and the Reading/Leeds festivals...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about the new album from Nine Inch Nails, the new drummer in Oasis, the best album of the year according to Mick Jones, this weeks kewl list from Zane Lowe, trouble for 50 Cent at a gig and an update on the Reading/Leeds Carling festivals. But first, trouble from Mr Mojo Rising...

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Break on through from the other side...

Lead singer with The Doors, Jim Morrison was well known for his trouble causing before his death in 1971. It seems that he is still stirring up shit from beyond the grave.

According to Christian Charlet, the manager of Paris' Pere Lachaise Cemetery, he is sick of the droves of pot-smoking, cigarette discarding mourners treating the grounds like they were a blacklit living room.

The Frenchman is concerned for the remains of Morrison though, all he wants is the best for the legendary singer.

Charlet said: "We'd like to kick him out because we don't want him; he causes too many problems."

You have just got to love the French haven’t you?

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Monophonic spree...

After a five year break Trent Reznor is almost ready to unleash the new Nine Inch Nails album upon us. It is reported that the multitalented front man is working on the follow up to ‘The Fragile’ with producer Rick Rubin and has reckons the new album will be a bit different.

Reznor said: "I'm approaching this record from a totally different mindset and strategy than 'The Fragile'. Every record I've done has reflected where I've been at as a person when it was done, for better or worse. What is coming out of my head now seems to (come) from a very different place than the last record.

"One of the rules of this record has been to orchestrate using only monophonic voices. No chords. Anywhere. Most of the synthesis has been done with a rather elaborate and ever-growing modular rig and recorded live…editing and correcting is avoided, if possible (and) whole takes are encouraged as opposed to looping."

Oh right, so it is going to sound a bit shit Trent, is that what you are telling us? The new album should be out later this year so get your pennies ready.

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Little Ringo...

It has long been thought that if you strip away the posturing and power chords Oasis are little more than a tribute band to The Beatles. Well the uni-brow brothers have stepped a little bit closer to Beatle-dom by announcing they have brought in Ringo Starr’s son to tour with them this summer.

Zak Starkey will be on the kit when the Brit-Pop veterans take the stage at Glastonbury at the end of June. No doubt the lads will have their autograph books out at the ready for their hero Paul McCartney who is also appearing at the event.

Noel Gallagher confirmed the arrival of Starkey when he said: "Zak's first gig will be to 150,000 people. He's rehearsing all the Oasis songs now."

Thankfully for the Manchester lads Zak doesn’t take after his father in that he can actually play the drums as opposed to simply being able to keep time. This has been demonstrated in recent years, most noticeably when he filled the target t-shirt of Keith Moon for re-formed uber-group The Who.

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Once in a lifetime...

What is going to be the best album of this year? If you are listening to former Clash guitarist Mick Jones it is going to be The Libertines next long player. Jones has been working on the new record alongside producer Bill Price and he believes one as good as this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Jones said: “Sensational. I can't believe how good they've got, even since 'Up The Bracket' - and that was a great debut.

"A record as good as this only comes along once in a generation. Yeah, you had it with The Clash. And now it's The Libertines' turn. The lyrics on ‘The Man Who Would Be King’ are as good as any I've heard. Everything that's happened to them in two years is on this record, and a lot has happened to them.”

If you believe everything you read the band have been at each others throat while at their West London studio and have been on the verge of splitting up for the last year. All bollocks apparently.

“[It’s been] Beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you differently. If it was as stupid as people are making out - security guards to stop them fighting and that crap - do you think I'd be mug enough to stick around and put up with it?

"They've grown up. What happened with Pete [Doherty] going to prison was a horrible time, it could have finished any band. They know that, and it's made them realise how much they love each other.”

Awww, bless their scummy little hearts.

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This weeks kewl list...

It is Zane Lowe’s play list time again boys and girls (well I fucking like it anyway).

Faithless - 'Mass Destruction (Zinc Mix)'
The Offspring - 'Can't Get My Head Around You'
Morrissey - Irish Blood English Heart'
Poonisher - ' Base 1'
The Beastie Boys - 'Ch-Check It Out'
Franz Ferdinand - 'Jacqueline'
The Streets - 'Dry Your Eyes'
DJ Shadow - 'Midnight In A Perfect World'
The Secret Machines - 'Sad And Lonely'
Reuben - 'Freddy Kreuger'
Roni Size - 'Strictly Social’
The Vines - 'Winning Days'
Kings oF Convenience ' Misread'
Slipknot - 'Duality'
Morillo Feat Audio Bullies - 'Break Down The Doors'
Rancid - 'Red Hot Moon'
Jetplane Landing - 'Brave Gravity'
Concorde Dawn - 'Tonite (Pendulum Mix)'
The Libertines - 'Don't Look Back Into The Sun'
Ryan Adams - 'Wonderwall'
Brand New - 'The Quiet Things That No One Evers Knows'
The Killers - 'Mr Brightside'
The Stone Roses - 'Fools Gold'
Bloc Party – ‘Banquet’
Atlantic Conveyor - 'Nasty Things'
Eagles Of Death Metal - ' I Only Want You'
Mylo - 'Destroy Rock N Roll'

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Half a quid, half arsed...

Don’t you just love the posturing and gesturing done by all those well hard American rappers? Do you ever wonder that behind their entourage they are actually a bit, well, soft as shit? Oh, just me then. Anyway it turns out that 50 Cent had to dish out a bit of a bitch slapping to a fan after they had the affront to throw water at him...or did he?

It seems that the highly successful rap star put in a surprise performance at a nightclub in Springfield, Massachusetts, which was holding an event called Spring Jam organised by local radio station WZMX 93.7. The gig was an invite-only affair for winners of an on-air contest who had to adhere to a strict dress code to get in to the club.

So there you have 1,400 suited and booted punters in the crowd, what does ‘Fiddy Cent’ do? Halfway through his first ‘song’ he gets carried away and starts spraying the fans with water and throwing bottles at them which resulted in them pelting him with bottles back!

There must have been a quarterback in the throng as someone managed to hit the big, bad rap star on the head with a well returned Volvic. This got the muscle-bound beefcake well and truly pissed off and he leapt into the crowd to knock fuck out of the perpetrator (after removing all of his jewellery first – tart).

Well that is one version.

Another, coming from one of those shadowy sources claim that the rapper was just really getting into the show and jumped into the crowd because he was ‘down with the kids’ or some such shit.

Club co-owner Michael J. Barrasso said: "Police were there, my security were there, it was contained within 30 seconds, then everyone was pushed back onstage. [50 Cent] finished the song he was singing, then exited off the side of the stage with his whole entourage."

In an unrelated incident the Springfield Police Department are apparently looking into a shooting that happened nearby shortly after Fiddy left the venue.

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Reading/Leeds line up...

Updated details for the Reading/Leeds festivals taking place on Friday June 27th until Sunday 29th have been announced today. The line up now looks something like this:

Friday, August 27 Reading / Saturday August 28 Leeds

Main Stage:
The Darkness (headline), The Offspring, Ash, The Hives, Special Guests (TBA), Jurassic 5, Hundred Reasons, Reel Big Fish, Taking Back Sunday, Goldie Lookin Chain

Radio One Stage:
Graham Coxon, Super Furry Animals, Peaches, The Donnas, Razorlight, The Wildhearts

Saturday August 28 Reading / Sunday, August 29 Leeds

Main Stage:
The White Stripes (headline), Morrissey, The Libertines, Franz Ferdinand, The Vines, The Roots, My Morning Jacket (Leeds only), Special Guests, Thursday, Young Heart Attack

Radio One Stage:
Funeral For A Friend, Dizzee Rascal, MC5, Special Guests, 80's Matchbox B-Line Disaster, The Ordinary Boys, Har Mar Superstar, The Icarus Line, The Bronx, Bloc Party

Sunday, August 29 Reading / Friday, August 27 Reading

Main Stage:
Green Day (headline), 50 Cent, Placebo, Lostprophets, The Streets, Special Guests, Dropkick Murphy’s, The Rasmus, New Found Glory, Thrice, Yellowcard

Radio One Stage:
Supergrass, Von Bondies, Auf Der Maur, British Sea Power, Deus, 22-20s, The Stills, Dogs Die In Hot Cars,

So, are you interested? Well there are a few other bands that are rumoured to be added to the list including: Muse, The Beastie Boys, Scissor Sisters, Courtney Love, AC/DC, Blink 182, Idlewild, The Distillers, The Thrills.

Tickets for the Reading Weekend tickets are now sold-out, Leeds weekend tickets are still available priced £105 including parking and camping, while one day tickets are still available for both sites and priced £45.

They are also available from the Mean Fiddler website , Ticketmaster or on the national credit card hotline 08701-500-044.

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The Glitterati, Therapy? And The Wildhearts - Liverpool Carling Academy, April 28th – Gig review by Kos

Unfortunately I missed the first couple of songs from The Glitterati due to much indecision on the part of the people in front of me in the merchandise queue, I never knew it was THAT difficult to buy a Wildhearts t-shirt.

Never having heard anything by The Glitterati the songs didn't really make much impact, they were alright nothing groundbreaking but then the same can be said of The Darkness and The Glitterati don't have a singer who's vocal chords should be ripped out by rabid EMO kids so they're one step ahead of the game already.

Although the venue started to fill up some more it was still quite a sparse crowd, it's a shame that bands like these can't fill a venue of this size anymore but at least they're still in a position to tour and put out albums.

Next up were Therapy?, to be honest they're my favourite band and I was only really bothered about seeing them, the other bands were a bonus, due to the lack of a huge crowd I was able to get to the front really easily for their cut down set.

With most of the set taken from the ‘Troublegum’ and ‘High Anxiety’ albums they were definitely playing to their strengths of twisted, loud tunes with lots of hooks, would've been nice if they'd have played some songs from the overlooked ‘Infernal Love’.

It's a real shame that a band as good as this don't have the huge following they deserve but they seem happy enough to just to be able to play the music they want. Finishing off their 40 minutes with a cover of ‘Isolation’ that included a snatch of ‘Control’ the now three piece made way for The Wildhearts.

You can always tell the headliners now as they always get the good light show although in this case it meant that The Wildhearts had 2 lasery kind of lights as well as the bog standard ones, U2 would've been jealous...

Wildhearts are one of those bands that I've never got into, good tunes and all but didn't buy the albums so I'd recognise every other song, they're a good tight band but if it hadn't of been for them touring a lot with The Darkness I can't see how else they'd have got the recent push in America they're enjoying.

One event of note was when the new bass player was introduced he got booed by a small section of the crowd, very classy... Fair enough you might of liked Danny McCormack but he was a smack head, you can't expect a band to stand still while he sorts himself out.

Anyway after this a couple of "hilarious" jokes about the tyres being robbed from the coach came from Ginger, those Geordies, true comic gold everytime they open their mouths, obviously bitter at finishing behind us again (a football reference there boys and girls, Liverpool are on course to finish higher in the Premiership than Newcastle United again this season – Ed)...

All in all a good gig although it seems a long time ago when these bands were high up on the bill at your Monsters of Rock and Ozzfest... Great days, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Things I've been listening to a lot over the last week - by Kos...

Slipknot- Duality
Same old same old here, misanthropic lyrics, stop start drums, weird guitar noises, some actual singing and then a SHOUTY chorus it's the usual alienated pants, Corey Taylor basically sings about how he's a bit tired and it's all YOUR fault (who this person is has yet to be established, it's nicely non specific so you can project your Dad, teacher, next door neighbour, team manager (delete as applicable) as being the big bad stopping you from going down to Toshi Station to pick up some power convertors).

Needless to say I LOVE it and have had it on repeat play for the last 2 days and been scouring the music channels to see the video again...

Pixies- Doolittle
Not to venture into heretic country but the Pixies never changed my life, they're a great band but I never pledged undying alleigance to them, when I found out I had a ticket for one of the reunion gigs I was happy but not over the moon. This soon changed with the varying levels of abuse I got off people who didn't have a ticket, always being one to enjoy the misery of others I'm now REALLY excited about going and am rubbing it into the face of those who aren't, HA! suckers...

So anyway, I've been listening to this record pretty much all week and yes it is indeed a classic, I can't really argue about that, 'Debaser' IS the best song ever about slicing someones eyeball and 'Monkey Gone To Heaven' IS a good environmental song but I'm totally in love with 'No13 Baby', the outro is one of the best things the Pixies EVER did (well that and 'Allison').

Top record and it gets a heady 4 Pro Evos out of 5 (my marking system is based on a highly scientific formula of do I like playing Pro Evolution Soccer 3 to it, how many times do I stop a game to listen to a song and how memorable it is as a whole).

Auf Der Maur
Hmph, it's good, just not very memorable, strong start with the first couple of singles but then it gets a bit samey. To be fair though anyone who puts as many RAWK postures into her songs and videos has to be alright, it's like the spirit of Bonnie Tyler lives on...

She's pretty hot though and put up with Courtney Love AND Billy Corgan so obviously she has the patience of a saint or a lot of heavy duty sedatives so this gets a middle of the road 3 Pro Evos.

Hopefully the next album won't rely as much on all her Stoner heros writing and producing her next record, get Susannah Hoffs in and make the metal Bangles album...

Pixies, top 50 moments in pop ever, Napster, sponsored wank-a-thon and The Darkness...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about what the The Guardian reckon are the top 50 moments in pop ever, the return of Napster, a sponsored wank-a-thon and news on the next album from The Darkness. But first up your chance to have your opinion heard...

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Where is my mind?

So come on then, spill the beans...what is your favourite Pixies song of all time? One of the more obvious tracks like ‘Here Comes Your Man’, ‘Monkey Gone To Heaven’ or ‘Allison’? Maybe you think that ‘Motorway To Roswell’ from the ‘Trompe Le Monde’ is the dogs bollocks.

Now you have a chance to tell the world what you think. The NME is asking you lot to email them with your favourite song and to tell why you chose it. A top 20 list will appear in the magazine and on their website in the near future.

Send your entries - with the subject Pixies - to news@nme.com right now.

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50 of the best...

The Guardian newspaper has took it upon itself to list the 50 most defining moments in 50 years of pop. They are braver than I am.

No doubt there will be hundreds of bands/records/events/ that you think should be mentioned (there is no mention of U2, Pixies or even Ugly Kid Joe for fuck sake) but they are the ones sticking their necks on the block.

Here is a few that stood out for me:

1954 - Elvis Presley records 'That's All Right Mama' at Sun Studios, Memphis
Rock'n'roll's big bang. A 19-year-old truck driver fulfils producer Sam Phillips's dream of finding 'a white guy who sings like a Negro'. There were rock'n'roll records before this one, nearly all of them by black artists, but this is the moment when the embryonic form found its perfect embodiment.

1964 - The Beatles take America
Already the most popular pop group in Europe, the Beatles appeared on Ed Sullivan's television show in early 1964. The following month, 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand' shot to the top of the US charts, swiftly followed by their four previous singles. In March 1964, they occupied the top five chart positions in America. Beatlemania was born.

1965 - The Who: 'My Generation'
The Who were the most aggressive - and the artiest - British pop group of the mid-Sixties. Pete Townsend dressed in Union Jack suits, smashed his guitar and wrote songs that perfectly caught the rising tide of teen frustration. The stuttered teen snarl of 'My Generation' remains one of the key moments in British pop, and the most potent evocation of Mod elitism and amphetamine-fuelled aggression ever committed to vinyl.

1966 - Brian Wilson makes Pet Sounds
While the rest of the Beach Boys toured their greatest hits, Brian Wilson stayed at home in his studio and created pop's enduring masterpiece - and his swansong. Sad songs tied to the most intricate arrangements, it baffled the rest of the band though their vocal harmonising has never sounded so sublime. It was followed by 'Good Vibrations’, which still sounds as close to perfection as a pop single has ever come.

1969 - Jimi Hendrix Plays 'The Star Spangled Banner' at the Woodstock Festival
Woodstock, which attracted half-a-million rock fans, was the most dramatic mass flowering of the hippy ideal and, as with all defining moments, the beginning of the end of that same ideal. Hendrix's startling assault on the American national anthem was interpreted at the time as a political statement against the Vietnam war but in retrospect can be read as a swan song for the era of peace and love, and for Hendrix himself. He died in his sleep the following year.

1972 - David Bowie creates Ziggy Stardust
In January, Bowie told an interviewer: 'I'm gay, and always have been.' Whatever the truth of the statement, it announced the imminent arrival of his androgynous alter ego, unveiled the following June on Ziggy Stardust & the Spiders from Mars . The first of Bowie s many exotic personae, and the moment that launched glam rock. Perhaps the most influential album of the decade.

1975 - Bob Marley & the Wailers: 'No Woman, No Cry' released
Bob Marley & the Wailers' first hit single, and the beginning of Marley s reign as an international reggae star. As important a catalyst as Dylan or Lennon, he remains the only reggae artist to achieve iconic status. His death in 1981 robbed the music of its one and only global icon.

1977 - Saturday Night Fever goes on general release
Travolta and the Bee Gees bring disco overground. The film, though cack-handed and corny in its evocation of New York s downtown disco scene, propelled a struggling white actor and an unhip vocal group into the forefront of a global dance phenomenon. The biggest-selling soundtrack ever.

1977 - 'God Save the Queen' goes to 'Number One'
The last and greatest outbreak of pop-based moral pandemonium, and punk's crowning glory. Released at the height of the Queen's Jubilee celebrations, the Sex Pistols' single was deemed so unspeakable that workers in a record plant refused to press it and official chart compilers refused to acknowledge its chart-topping position. It sounds gloriously irreverent now; back then it was nothing short of incendiary.

1980 - The murder of John Lennon
Mark Chapman's shooting of John Lennon on the doorstep of the star's New York home shocked the world. That Chapman was a fan, and someone who craved celebrity himself, only added to the chilling unreality of the moment. 'The world is not like the Sixties,' Lennon said in the last interview before his death. 'The world has changed.' The first, and most chilling, manifestation of the dark side of our obsession with celebrity.

1981 - 'Ghost Town' goes to Number One
The Specials were the last and greatest flowering of the socially conscious pop that emerged in Britain in the immediate wake of punk. They invented the short-lived but vibrant Two Tone movement, whose merging of reggae rhythms and punk lyricism reflected the multiculturalism of urban Britain. 'Ghost Town' was a lament for their beleaguered hometown, Coventry; an anti-Thatcherist song that topped the pop charts at the very moment the country was torn by inner-city riots. Pop as on-the-spot reportage.

1981 - Grandmaster Flash's 'Adventures on the Wheels of Steel' is released
Rap's first landmark single, and the first record to use samples. Snippets of songs by Queen, Blondie and Chic were collaged into one long seamless groove by DJ Flash. 'The Message', released the following year, was a chart hit on both sides of the Atlantic, and broke new ground by replacing the usual lyrical boasting with trenchant social commentary.

1981 - The launch of MTV
The pivotal moment when the pop video became as important as the pop single. The first television channel devoted totally to music, MTV has grown into a global brand as all-pervasive as Coca-Cola or Nike, colonising and dulling the collective pop consciousness with the tyranny of the rotation play.

1982 - Michael Jackson: Thriller released
The biggest-selling pop record of all time, Thriller made Michael Jackson a global icon. Then only 25, he had made his debut at the age of four and had his first hit at 12 sharing the charts with the likes of Jimi Hendrix and the Doors, and was already the subject of much media speculation concerning his eternal childhood. In the light of all that has happened since, it is worth remembering that he was once a pop genius.

1983 - The Smiths: 'This Charming Man'
Their second single and first hit, 'This Charming Man' had a signature sound that would establish the Smiths as the most important British group of the Eighties. Johnny Marr's chiming guitar and Morrissey's odd, genderless lyrics combined to give a new spin to what was essentially a classic rock sound. Quintessentially English, they single-handedly reclaimed guitar pop in a decade when it had almost been consigned to the dustbin of history.

1983 - New Order: 'Blue Monday'
A pivotal moment in British pop, and the best-selling British 12-inch single ever. New Order were the first indie band to absorb the technical innovations of American dance music. 'Blue Monday' merged their trademark detached vocals with a futuristic, computer-driven beat that harked back to disco, and had a huge influence on the sample-driven hip hop and house music that would emerge from New York, Chicago and Detroit later in the decade.

1985 - Live Aid
A great moment for charity, a dreadful moment for pop. Two all-star concerts organised by Saint Bob Geldof and beamed live into millions of homes worldwide, the event raised £50 million for charity. One of the greatest philanthropic events of all time, but the moment when pop became enshrined as pure showbiz entertainment.

1988 - Madchester and the second summer of love
The moment that dance culture moved from the clubs of Chicago and Detroit into the heart of British pop culture and the beginning of the era of the superstar DJ. Clubs such as London's Shoom and Manchester's Hacienda became the new temples of ecstasy-fuelled hedonism, and by the summer illegal raves were attracting druggy revellers in their thousands. Manchester became the centre of post-rave British pop, producing the Stone Roses and Happy Mondays, two of the most crucial bands to emerge from the post-acid house scene.

1988 - NWA: 'Fuck tha Police'
The birth of gangsta rap. A record so extreme it was banned by radio and MTV and brought the record company, Ruthless, a warning from the FBI. It kick-started the career of Dr Dre, the most successful rap producer ever, and made Los Angeles rather than New York the centre of hip hop. The machismo and nihilism that fed this record reached an apogee of sorts with the murders of Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls.

1992 - Nirvana: 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'
The single that catapulted Nirvana into the mainstream. A heady mix of metal and punk, with a structural dynamic that alternated Cobain's whisper with his guttural scream, it said all there was to say about America's lost 'Generation X', defining a strain of solipsistic angst that continues to echo through white American rock music.

2000 - The birth of Napster
A word that still strikes fear into the heart of music business fat cats. Launched by 19-year-old Shawn Fanning from his uncle's garage, Napster was the download service that provided free music to an estimated 100 million users in 2000. Now legal, downloading marks the end of traditional music formats as we know them.

The complete list can be found here .

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Pay to play...

And speaking of Napster (the fall guy for every downloaded song in the world EVER) they are back in business this time legitimately. The company was shut down in 2001 after a judge in America decided that it was guilty of copyright infringement for letting its 60 million users swap music files for free.

The company was taken over by Roxio and went legit. Napster relaunched last October as a pay-per-download service in a similar fashion to Apple’s highly successful iTunes and the cash has been rolling in ever since. The company announced first quarter sales of more than £3.4 million in the US.

The success in the states has paved the way for an expansion to the UK this summer with some serious backing. The Dixons Group have decided to back the project and are planning to hype the shit out of their new baby with blank CD’s and all manner of assorted crap.

There is no mention of the cost of each downloaded song but you can bet that we will get ripped off something chronic. In the US individual songs retail for 99 cents (£0.53) with full albums for around $10 (£5.33) so expect to pay the equivalent of the Argentinean national debt for a low quality album track. Bastards...

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Oi wanker, they need you!

Are you busy on the 15th of May? Fancy doing some rewarding work for charity? How about signing up for the 2004 Masturbate-a-thon! I shit you not! National Masturbation Month was started by Good Vibrations (they promote sexual health) when they wanted to highlight the importance of masturbation for nearly everyone.

This is the tenth year of celebrating with a pledge drive - it's like a Walk-A-Thon, only a lot different. Participants ask friends and loved ones to sponsor them for a certain amount of money for every minute they masturbate during the Masturbate-A-Thon Weekend.

Some facts and figures:

The first Masturbate-A-Thon raised $8500!

Over the past ten years participants have raised over $25,000

Number of Masturbate-A-Thon pledge forms distributed since 1998: 65,000

Number of people who participated (those who returned pledge forms with money): 1,570

Number of countries with Masturbate-A-Thon participants: 6

Largest amount raised by an individual: $1,000

Longest time recorded by a participant in the Masturbate-A-Thon: 6 hours, 15 minutes

Total amount of money collected since 1998 through the Masturbate-A-Thon: $25,000

Number of television, print and radio interviews conducted regarding Masturbation Month: 375

Number of Masturbate-A-Thon winners who have conducted interviews about their experience: 3

Wanna know more? Follow this link.

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Stupid mutt...

After the massive success of ‘Permission To Land’ The Darkness hope to make the joke last that bit longer by enlisting producer Robert ‘Mutt’ Lange to help knock out their second album.

‘Mr Shania’ has worked with the mighty AC/DC and Def Leppard as well as the shitey Bryan Adams and foreigner. The band and their fans hope that Mutt can make the Lowestoft rockers next long player even more successful than their debut.

Don’t be surprised if there is a Meatloaf/Cher-esque collaboration on the new album with miserable little fucker Avril Lavigne. Little Miss Moody has announced that she wants to record with the lycra clad beauts.

Lavigne said: "The Darkness are incredible. Their power is breathtaking and they are the one band in the world I now want to record with. I just can't stop singing their songs."

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Liam Gallagher, best guitar riff ever, Pixies, Beatallica, R.E.M., Paul Stanley and Britney Spears...

Intro...

Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to learn about the best guitar riff ever, a new Pixies book, some bizarre downloadable music from Beatallica, a new album from one of the most influential bands of the 80’s and 90’s, an interview with Rock legend Paul Stanley and Britney Spears fucking up again. But first up it is everyone’s favourite V flicker, Liam Gallagher...

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How-ard is Liam?

Remember the reports in 2002 about Liam Gallagher getting into a fight with members of the Italian Mafia in a hotel in Germany and getting his front teeth knocked out? Well prosecutors in the Fatherland have finally got around to investigating the fracas.

It turns out that after doing some tests Gallagher was ‘beaked up’ at the time yet a spokesman for the band reckon the attack was "unprovoked". Yeah right. You only have to read a tabloid paper to see that Liam is a gobby bastard at the best of times but on cocaine he is probably an order of magnitude worse.

Prosecutor Anton Winkler said: "The test revealed substantial quantities of alcohol and drugs. It is possible he used cocaine."

More has also been revealed about these Sicilian hardmen. It is now claimed that the ‘gangsters’ that kicked the shit out of ‘handy’ Liam were infact a group of estate agents and a computer salesman! Heh heh heh...how funny is that? Mouthy Gallagher getting a pasting by two blokes from Abbey National and a technician from PC World!

Unfortunately it looks like the Manc tit will avoid jail and just get a fine for damage to property and resisting arrest.

Despite the success of the Ricky Gervais/Grant Bovey clash Oasis' management company refused to comment on whether Liam will face Howard from the Halifax adds in the next series of BBC2’s ‘The Fight’.

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Top 20 Rock Riffs Of All Time...

If you like your Rock music I’m sure you will agree that a good riff is essential to any song. Total Guitar magazine understands this and sought to find the Top 20 Greatest Rock Riffs Ever. The list contains a few surprises but all the expected suspects are present and correct:

20 Rage Against The Machine ‘Killing In The Name’
19 Guns N' Roses ‘Paradise City’
18 Queens Of The Stone Age ‘No One Knows’
17 Cream ‘Sunshine Of Your Love’
16 Aerosmith w Run DMC ‘Walk This Way’
15 Van Halen ‘Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love’
14 Led Zeppelin ‘Black Dog’
13 Muse ‘Plug In Baby’
12 Free ‘All Right Now’
11 Ozzy Osbourne 'Crazy Train'
10 Black Sabbath ‘Paranoid’
09 Jimi Hendrix ‘Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)’
08 AC/DC ‘Back In Black’
07 Metallica ‘Master Of Puppets’
06 Derek & The Dominoes/Eric Clapton ‘Layla’
05 Metallica ‘Enter Sandman’
04 Deep Purple ‘Smoke On The Water’
03 Led Zeppelin ‘Whole Lotta Love’
02 Nirvana ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’
01 Guns N' Roses ‘Sweet Child O' Mine’

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Gouge away...

With a new found interest in all things Pixies it was inevitable that someone was going to cash in with a ‘warts and all’ book about the band. Enter ‘Fool The World: An Oral History Of The Pixies’ by Josh Frank and Caryn Ganz.

Fool The World (which translates to Tromp Le Monde in French – all you fans see what they have done there?) is set to chronicle the complete history of the band from origin to the reunion this year and will feature testimonials from Bono, David Bowie, Thom Yorke, PJ Harvey and Dave Grohl.

The authors say the book is "the most definitive and cohesive document of early 1990s rock ever written.”

Yeah well they would say that wouldn’t they? It is unlikely that they will say something like, ooh I dunno, ‘this book is basically just a rip off of the Gouge documentary featured on the Pixies new DVD’. You know the kids will buy it though...

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I Want To Choke Your Band...

Ever hear of a band called Beatallica? No? They are a covers band with a twist. They are half Beatles half Metallica and all good.

Ice Magazine describes them as "[a band that] covers Beatles songs in the style of Metallica, infusing the lyrics and arrangements of Fab Four standards with wonderfully unsubtle references to Metallica’s songs and a spot-on imitation of James Hetfield's distinctive vocals".

If you are lucky enough to be in El Paso, Texas at the end of the month you can catch their debut live performance at the dodgily titled BalloonFest on the 31st. Haven’t earned enough Air Miles for a trip to the state that is home to J.R. Ewing but are still interested? Fear not, you can steal, ahem, download their latest EP here .

The self-titled collection contains the following tracks:

01. Blackened the USSR
02. Sandman
03. And I'm Evil
04. Got to Get You Trapped Under Ice
05. Leper Madonna
06. Hey Dude
07. I Want To Choke Your Band
08. We Can Hit The Lightz

Fuxake it has got to be worth downloading just for the titles alone!

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From Athens with love...

Good news for all you R.E.M. fans out there, the band have been recording brand new material in the Bahamas and are ready to whip up an album ready to consume later this year. Oh yeah, they are going to promote the new long player with a full tour.

Michael Stipe and the rest of the group are ready to leave the Compass Point studio in Nassau to start mixing the album ready for a release later this year.

A statement from the band reads: “We are about finished with the work here and will be heading across the water to Miami for the final phase of recording and mixing. Compass Point has been a wonderful place to work, and the songs and sounds have really been flowing the past few weeks. I have lost count but suffice it to say there are many, many more songs needed for a CD’s worth.

“We are aiming for a fall release with concert dates to follow soon thereafter. We have been talking about touring plans and will be able to announce something fairly soon. As promised before, some new places and some familiar ones. It will be quite a year from the looks of it, and we can’t wait."

Lets hope they come up with an ‘Automatic For The People’ and not a ‘Monster’ for fuck sake...

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The long Kiss goodnight...

Kiss guitarist and singer Paul Stanley (who is staring at me in his Gruntz form right now) recently did an interview with Australian magazine Beat as the Kiss phenomenon rolled into the land down under.

Some quotes from the man himself:

What is his solo album going to be like then? “It'll be me singing great songs and pushing the envelope beyond what I'd do with Kiss. It'd be too easy to do a one-man Kiss album. What's the appeal for me? The idea is to retain the emotion and power I bring to Kiss and make it in a slightly different environment."

Is it true Stanley wears a wig? "No. But it's interesting when I hear things like that. It goes back to a superficial sense of what makes rock credible. That's why the Kurt Cobains and Keith Richards are so appealing to a critic. They think they're the real thing. You lie vicariously through them until they kill themselves. So if someone is bald and wears a wig, they can't be the real thing. Or you can't play great rock if you're rich. These are creeds started by frustrated journalists!"

When asked if he hangs out with rock and roll types away from the band he responded: "I don't know rock and roll types. Most of them have no outside interests, they lead sheltered lives and they're boring or ignorant. They don't take advantage of their fame or success to better themselves beyond having a nice house."

The complete interview can be found here .

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Oops she did it again...

Manufactured pop princess Britney Spears has been in the papers today and again it isn’t the most positive of press she is receiving. The fake-titted lovely has taken up Kabbalah, which is a form of Judaism (cue Monty Python gags) and to celebrate she has had some ink done.

The 22-year-old wank fantasy is now decorated with a number of Hebrew symbols that seem to have been done by a dyslexic tattoo artist. When translated the squiggles are actually nothing more than gibberish.

A shadowy source said: "She had hoped it would say New Year or new era. It seems she's got the words the wrong way round.

"It is meaningless which will come as a bit of a blow to Britney. She's taken to Kabbalah pretty seriously and this was a big deal for her. She's going to be gutted when she finds out."

Oh yeah, it turns out that tattoos are forbidden under Jewish law so she is going to burn in Hell too!

This isn’t the first time Britney has had a ‘mare in the tattoo department. Shortly after filming the God-awful ‘Crossroads’ both her and co-star Taryn Manning got a Japanese word put on their hip which was meant to say ‘mysterious’. Unfortunately it actually said ‘strange’ to the horror of the doe-eyed hottie.

Rumours are that he got another tattoo done in ‘a private place’ earlier this year. I’ll bet this on is in English, although it would be fantastic if she has a Chinese symbol on her that translated to ‘liquor at the front, poker at the rear’. We can hope...

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