Blender magazines 50 worst songs of all time - reviewed by Audio Truckstop...

A recent article in Blender magazine listed what they considered to be the worst 50 songs of all time. Here at Audio Truckstop we pride ourselves on snatching content for nothing so we decided to see what three regular contributors, myself Kliffton Heights and Kos, thought of Blender’s choices.

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50 CÉLINE DION - “My Heart Will Go On” 1998

Kliffton: Unfortunately it hasn't stopped yet....

Kos: Yeah, absolutely awful, James Cameron, the man who gave us some of the most macho films EVER said he cried when he heard this song, was it cos he thought his mate Arnie would point and laugh at him for allowing such a POS song on his film? Still at least the vid had Kate Winslet in it...

Roo: I thought I liked this song until I realized it was utter crud.


49 RIGHT SAID FRED - “I’m Too Sexy” 1992

Kliffton: Even gay lads don't like this...

Kos: Meh, I guess it is annoying but I do have to say I liked ‘Deeply Dippy’, great song...

Roo: Quality comedy song that has a go at vapid catwalk models. All good...


48 THE BEATLES - “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” 1968

Kliffton: Eh? how can you hate Macca's ode to Molly Jo??? Lennon thought it was shite too...

Kos: *Shudder* The only way this could of been worse was allowing Ringo to sing it...

Roo: Not their finest moment...


47 BRYAN ADAMS - “The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You” 1996

Kliffton: Pity bout your skin Bri...

Kos: No ‘Summer of 69’ or ‘Run to You’ this (even the one he did with Coke Spice was better).

Roo: I disagree. I think that the only thing that would look good on you Mr. Adams is a 12-stone Rottweiler.


46 NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK - “Hangin’ Tough” 1989

Kliffton: Huh! Check out Donny! he one tough motherfucker from the projects...NOT!

Kos: No wonder I got more into metal at this period of time...

Roo: The template for a million boy bands – for this reason alone they deserve to get pissed on by The Grumbleweeds.


45 JA RULE FEAT. ASHANTI - “Mesmerize” 2002

Kliffton: Don’t know this.

Kos: Don’t know this.

Roo: Don’t know this.


44 MEAT LOAF - “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” 1993

Kliffton: Hahahahaha!

Kos: When I first went to Uni the lad in the room next to mine played it CONSTANTLY so I have a lot of bitterness towards this song, plus his room smelt like a litter tray...

Roo: I’ll tell you something you can do, bathe in battery acid you fat tit.


43 UNCLE KRACKER - “Follow Me” 2000

Kliffton: Don’t know this.

Kos: Kid Rock has a lot to answer for...

Roo: This tit was supposed to be part of Kid Rock’s “Detroit playas” which makes him sound kinda edgy and cool. Then you look a little deeper. He is called Uncle Kracker for fuxake and his song sounds like a lullaby. Oh yeah and I’m glad that midget croaked an all.


42 SIMON & GARFUNKEL - “The Sounds of Silence” 1965

Kliffton: I am being serious now - that’s outrageous - its a great song.

Kos: Yeah this song sucks also the midget world music freak was married to Carrie Fisher at the height of her self abuse powers, yet another reason to despise him...

Roo: No way! It reminds me of Woody Harrlson spewing after doing the nasty with his skanky landlady in the comedy masterpiece ‘Kingpin’. “There is something about good sex that makes me wanna crap – you really jarred something loose there Tiger!” *HURL*


41 BILLY JOEL - “We Didn’t Start the Fire” 1989

Kliffton: It’s a total rip off of REM's ‘End Of The World’ for a start off...

Kos: Umm, I quite like this one...

Roo: Apparently it only took him 10 minutes to write this – you can tell.


40 COLOR ME BADD - “I Wanna Sex You Up” 1991

Kliffton: What is being 'sexed up'?

Kos: Fond memories of being in 6th form and going on pub crawls down the dock road gawping at strippers who invariably danced to this. Totally gash song though, white boy soul *shudder*

Roo: Heh heh heh remember the video with the ‘Norman’ of the group trying to look all sexy despite having hair that looked like a bellend? Heh heh heh…


39 RICKY MARTIN - “She Bangs” 2000

Kliffton: What’s all that about???

Kos: Pity no one banged his lights out before he recorded this...

Roo: Why is it that when this and ‘La Vida Loca’ come on all the sun-bed worshiping beauts suddenly think that they can dance?


38 REDNEX - “Cotton Eye Joe” 1995

Kliffton: Hehehehe! Lovin’ it!

Kos: Makes you wish that Hitler had exterminated the ancestors of the people who produced this, best argument for ethnic cleansing ever...

Roo: Big, festering, pile of dog wank…


37 GERARDO - “Rico Suave” 1991

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: Huh???

Roo: Oh I remember this shite. Some taco munching cocklord trying to be 50% Fabio and 50% Barry White and turning out to be 100% crap.


36 MASTER P FEAT. SILKK, FIEND, MIA-X AND MYSTIKAL - “Make Em Say Uhh!” 1998

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: See above.

Roo: Que?


35 R.E.M. - “Shiny Happy People” 1991

Kliffton: Fuck off! It only gets bad press cos Dennis Leary didn't get it. Dickhead...

Kos: "Hey, hey, hey, I represent angry, meat eating people, lets pull over right now Mike so I can give you a good shake..."

Roo: Where they trying to be ironic?


34 DAN FOGELBERG - “Longer” 1979

Kliffton: Haven't got the foggiest, sorry.

Kos: Don't think I've heard this...

Roo: New to me.


33 AQUA - “Barbie Girl” 1997

Kliffton: "Life in plastic, its fantastic" - That line stops this song being poo

Kos: At least the girl was quite fit, specially after you cut her vocal chords out...

Roo: I like this song because it is a post ironic statemen...nah, I like it because the bird in the video would get it.


32 WILL SMITH - “Will 2K” 1999

Kliffton: Awful.

Kos: No feelings either way...

Roo: Can’t be any worse than that aural enema ‘Wild Wild West’?


31 CRASH TEST DUMMIES - “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” 1994

Kliffton: I kinda liked it

Kos: How about "Smack kick gouge punch"

Roo: This is quality!!!


30 WHITNEY HOUSTON - “Greatest Love Of All” 1986

Kliffton: Reminds me of ‘slowies’ at school so I'm fond of it...

Kos: Gotta be better than the smacked up, Bobby Brown beaten version we have to put up with at the minute.

Roo: Gut-wrenchingly grim.


29 DEEP BLUE SOMETHING - “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” 1995

Kliffton: Should have been no.1.

Kos: Didn't mind it to begin with but constant rotation on VH1 has made me twitch when it comes on.

Roo: I like this despite the crap lyrics.


28 JOHN MAYER - “Your Body is a Wonderland” 2001

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha????

Roo: Who?


27 EUROPE - “The Final Countdown” 1987

Kliffton: Fuck off! Its ace!

Kos: Any song that gets to rhyme ‘Venus’ with ‘meet us’ deserves a slap, I have to admit I liked the song Carrie though...

Roo: Every nerve and sinew in my body detests this song...


26 THE DOORS - “The End” 1967

Kliffton: So is this!

Kos: Big fat sweaty guy dead in a bath, I HATE the Doors and their stupid Hammond organ.

Roo: This track is unbelievably good. Fucking heathens...


25 PUFF DADDY FEAT. FAITH EVANS AND 112 - “I’ll Be Missing You” 1997
Kliffton: Not very good at all...

Kos: Yet another reason for Sting to get a smack in the face also you had to see Puff Daddy dance like the spacker being shot through electricity he is.

Roo: Hmmm, your mate dies what should you do? If you are ‘Poofy’ you do a song apparently in his honor and then rake in millions of dollars! Oh yeah, and the ‘tribute’ kick starts your career again. They might not fall for it though. Ah ha! How about dragging his ex-girlfriend into it just to pull those heart strings a bit more? What a horrible cunt.


24 FIVE FOR FIGHTING - “Superman” 2000

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha???

Roo: Must be a yank thing...


23 COREY HART - “Sunglasses At Night” 1984

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Huh???

Roo: Doesn’t ring any bells.


22 TOBY KEITH - “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” 2002

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Yer wha????

Roo: Nope...


21 SPIN DOCTORS - “Two Princes” 1992

Kliffton: Heh! That band fronted by ‘Cat weasel’ - student fave...I fuckin' hate it!

Kos: Fond memories of staggering around student night in Bolton, I like this, sorry...

Roo: The singer deserves to be found in a pool of his own piss with all his extremities cut off for singing "Dit-dit-dit! Dit-dit-dit-a-dobba-dobba-dobba dobba!" Grrr...


20 LIONEL RICHIE - “Dancing On The Ceiling” 1986

Kliffton: No way!

Kos: Better than dancing in divorce court huh?

Roo: That is a good song!


19 MR. MISTER - “Broken Wings” 1985

Kliffton: Quite like it.

Kos: Middle class angst at it's worst.

Roo: Another of those ‘only available from K-Tel’ compilation fillers, Gash...


18 CHICAGO - “You’re the Inspiration” 1984

Kliffton: Dunno.

Kos: Middle class sports team support at it's worst.

Roo: I want to grind glass into his eyes for this.


17 HAMMER - “Pumps and a Bump” 1994

Kliffton: Totally...Hammertime!

Kos: Middle class hip hop at it's worst.

Roo: Never heard of it.


16 4 NON BLONDES - “What’s Up?” 1993

Kliffton: Hate this! Bet Kos likes it!

Kos: Middle class alt rock at it's worst. I despise this song, with it's stupid lyrics, it's stupid vocals, it's stupid hat and hair in the video and that bloody woman somehow got a career writing songs for Pink. It's like God's laughing at me.

Roo: Bit of a none event for me – it just kinda exists.


15 THE REMBRANDTS - “I’ll Be There For You” 1995

Kliffton: Doh!

Kos: Middle class pop rock at it's worst. I actually like Friends and this song, I know they're annoying but what are you going to do?

Roo: Hate Friends. Hate this song. Hate the Rembrandts.


14 BETTE MIDLER - “From a Distance” 1990

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Middle class lounge songs at it's worst. Bette Midler's bad enough as a singer without having a film career.

Roo: The bit where she howls ‘FLYYYYYYY’ near the end out of tune cracks me up every time!!!


13 GENESIS - “Illegal Alien” 1983

Kliffton: Genesis are shit...

Kos: Middle class bollocks at it's worst.

Roo: Cringe-worthy toss.


12 THE BEACH BOYS - “Kokomo” 1988

Kliffton: Not that bad!

Kos: Middle class surf music at it's worst. Should've been called "Kaka"

Roo: Never been a fan – this track just backs up my suspicion that the Beach Boys are one of the most over-rated bands of all time.


11 CLAY AIKEN - “Invisible” 2003

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Wha????

Roo: Never heard of it.


10 PAUL McCARTNEY AND STEVIE WONDER - “Ebony and Ivory” 1982

Kliffton: A classic - that’s well out of order!

Kos: Middle class guilt at it's worst. Mark Chapman should of taken out McCartney, think of the good he would of done the world, no ‘Frog Song’, no one else getting ripped off over royalties ‘The Mull of pigging Kintyre’ and one legged girls would be safe, single but safe...

Roo: These two are trying to make a very valid political point and therefore if you don’t like the song you are a Nazi...or there is nothing wrong with your hearing.


9 MADONNA - “American Life” 2003

Kliffton: Ha! That’s really bad.

Kos: Awful song possibly only bettered by American Pie which would be my all time worst song.

Roo: Fucking crap, simple as.


8 EDDIE MURPHY - “Party All the Time” 1985

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Not heard this, I like Eddie Murphy though.

Roo: Only heard this for the first time the other week. Bit of a novelty record and therefore it is supposed to be crap isn’t it?


7 BOBBY McFERRIN - “Don’t Worry Be Happy” 1988

Kliffton: "He is a genius" - My Dad - 1988

Kos: THIS IS AWFUL WITH IT'S STUPID LIFE'LL BE OK IF YOU SMILE BOLLOCKS!!!

Roo: #"Here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note..."# Erm, do you mind if I don’t you inane fucknugget?


6 HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS - “The Heart Of Rock & Roll” 1984

Kliffton: Eh?

Kos: Never heard it, I like Huey Lewis though so it's probably not THAT bad

Roo: New to me.


5 VANILLA ICE - “Ice Ice Baby” 1990

Kliffton: Oh yeah!

Kos: Toss...

Roo: He came, he released one record, he disappeared off the face of the earth. Personally I think he was around for WAY too long...


4 LIMPBIZKIT - “Rollin’” 2000

Kliffton: Danced to that too many times to comment!

Kos: After 4 months of constant playing in Sloans I hated this song and feel physically sick when I hear it now. Stupid pigging dance too.

Roo: The song that transformed the band from gobshites to world famous gobshites.


3 WANG CHUNG - “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” 1986

Kliffton: Christ...that’s awful!

Kos: Not THAT bad.

Roo: A bit high in this list methinks.


2 BILLY RAY CYRUS - “Achy Breaky Heart” 1992

Kliffton: A GENUINE TOP 10 WORST SONG EVER!!!

Kos: The red neck cracker spawn of Satan, he had women breaking their pelvises as they opened their legs for him and his stupid mullet and I can't get laid?????

Roo: Any song that helps proliferate line dancing should be destroyed immediately – sooner ideally. This is pure evil.


1 STARSHIP - “We Built This City” 1985

Kliffton: Harsh...

Kos: Stupid hippies singing a retarded song about gash. Still think American Pie's worse though.

Roo: Bollocks, this is class!!!


Coming soon: The Audio Truckstop top 50 crappest songs of all time!

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