Britney Spears, Goldie Lookin' Chain, Alanis Morissette, Pop Beach and David Hasselhoff...
Intro...
Welcome to today’s slice of stuff. Read on to find out details of Goldie Lookin’ Chain’s first world tour, a chance to get your hands on rare Alanis Morissette tracks, details of yet another mini-festival and some disturbing news in the world of rap. But first up would you pay five big ones for a night with Britney Spears?
Born to make you happy...
How much would you pay to meet the lovely Britney Spears? $5,000? If the answer is ‘yes’ then you are in luck as the plastic pop princess is giving you the chance to get up close and personal in the name of ‘charidee’.
The Onyx Hotel in Boston is holding an auction for "The Ultimate Britney Experience" which includes the following:
• Two round-trip domestic airline tickets to Boston from anywhere in the United States.
• Two nights' stay at the Onyx Hotel (including one night as the first guests in the Britney Spears Foundation Room)
• Dinner for two in the hotel's Ruby Room
• Two front-row tickets to a June 23rd concert
• Round-trip limo service to and from the concert
• A backstage tour
• Two official concert T-shirts
• A basket containing Britney CDs and her favourite bath products
• An autographed photo of Spears
• Breakfast the morning after the concert
• A late check-out.
Hang on, the trip doesn’t include sex all night with the rebellious little mare so if I won I would drag the owners of the hotel through the courts under the Trades Description Act – that crap listed above does not constitute "The Ultimate Britney Experience" in my book I can tell you.
Luckily for the owners of the Onyx Hotel I have no intention of paying up to $5k in the off chance that Britney is up for a game of ‘hide the sausage’ so they should be ok.
The auction started on 15th May and runs until 11th June if you are interested with any funds raised going to underprivileged children. Bless her cotton socks...
West side...
Welsh rap nutters Goldie Lookin’ Chain are set to embark on their first world tour – kinda. Despite calling it a world tour the reality is that they are playing a few gigs in Wales throughout June. Those lovable scamps!
There are a few reasons the Newport collective have decided to play exclusively in their own country (Glastonbury excluded), all of which sound blatantly made up but are funny none the less.
GLC spokesman Eggsy said: "The venues are all based in Wales, partly because we believe in giving our homeland the payback it deserves for supporting us so much, but mainly because Billy gets travel sick and none of us have the toll to cross the Severn Bridge anyway."
You can catch them here:
22 June - Bangor Hendree Hall
23 June - Wrexham Central Station
24 June - Pontypridd Muni Arts Centre
25 June - Swansea Patti Pavillion
You knows it!
News just in: GLC have confirmed they will be playing their only non-Welsh and non-Glastonbury show in the UK when they arrive in Liverpool on Monday 21st June. They will be appearing at The Masque Theatre with tickets costing £10.
Live from down the alley...
If you are thinking of buying the new Alanis Morissette why not purchase it from the RealPlayer Music Store online? Why bother buying the mp3’s when you can just go out and get the CD from HMV? Well the over priced compact disc won’t contain any juicy extras for a kick off.
If you buy ‘So-Called Chaos’ from the Music Store in the next 30 days or so you will receive three songs from a choice of four live tracks Morissette recorded last month. The Canadian performed the songs for a new live concert series from RealNetworks called ‘Down the Alley’.
So what rarities do you get to choose from? How about the first single from the new album ‘Everything’? ‘Excuses’ is another track from So Called Chaos while also available is ‘Hands Clean’ from Under Rug Swept and ‘Ironic’ from Jagged Little Pill.
These versions are unavailable anywhere else so get them while you can...or just wait a few weeks and leech them from one of the various peer-2-peer networks out there that are killing the music industry before our very eyes according to the BPI.
T beside the seaside...
News of yet another mini-festival. If you are in Great Yarmouth on 6th June you could bump into helmet-headed T4 presenter Vernon Kay and his trusty companion June Sarpong as they host ‘Pop Beach’. The all day event is being filmed for Channel 4 and will be broadcast live throughout the day.
Tickets cost £12.50 but for that you get to see some decent bands (as well as a load of shite to be perfectly honest). Confirmed so far are Ash, Supergrass and Goldfrapp. Unfortunately the likes of Big Brovaz, Blazin' Squad and Lemar will also be there.
To be honest I think they are charging too much considering the line up is pretty crap. Luckily you have the chance to win front of stage tickets by answering the ludicrously easy question on the official site .
Just think there is a chance of standing just a few feet away from Blazin’ Squad...surely even a blind flid couldn’t miss them from that close with a half a brick?
Too much hassle...
Everyone has heard that former ‘Knight Rider’ and ‘Baywatch’ star David Hasselhoff is a big rock star in Germany but no-one has ever listened to any of his crap before and there is little chance of his back catalogue seeing the light of day on commercial radio or TV. His new stuff might though...
As unbelievable as it sounds ‘The Hoff’, with a bit of help from his next door neighbour, is all set to release, wait for it, a rap album! I shit you not! The neighbour who is going to help him knock out a bona fide hip-hop long player is none other than Ice-T.
You couldn’t make this shit up could you?
It seems that The Hoff and Ice-T have struck up a cosy relationship and now the legendary rapper has vowed to help the 51-year-old release his first motherfucking rap album son (sorry, Jay-Z’s ‘99 Problems’ was just on)...
Ice-T said: "The man is a legend. And we are going to show a whole new side of him.
"He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff - I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."
Watch out Eminem, there is a new white-boy on the scene...
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